


Catch You When You Fall

by seekeronthepath, TheFlagOfHeaven42



Series: Omegle: Surprisingly Awesome [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, BAMF Lydia Martin, Body Worship, Collars, Communication, Doctor Who References, Dom Derek, Dom Lydia, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, Insecure Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Orgasm Delay, References to Marvel, Relationship Negotiation, Safeword Use, Scott is a Bad Friend, Stiles Has Issues, Sub Stiles, Subdrop, but he fixes it, especially abandonment issues, soooo much aftercare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 06:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4993702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekeronthepath/pseuds/seekeronthepath, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlagOfHeaven42/pseuds/TheFlagOfHeaven42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek and Stiles have been together for quite a while, and Derek has been Stiles’ dom for most of that time. When he goes away for a week though, Stiles goes into drop. Badly. Derek never wants that to happen again, so they talk about it. And they fix it.</p><p>Stiles by TheFlagOfHeaven42<br/>Derek by seekeronthepath</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch You When You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS  
> This fic is about subdrop. So there’s subdrop in it. It gets pretty bad, and Stiles feels pretty damn shitty. He also panics during a punishment, and safewords out. At one point, he expresses the opinion that things might have been better if he hadn’t existed. This is immediately contradicted, and he doesn’t return to the thought.  
> Self-harm: minor mention, no details. If you don't want to read it, skip the paragraph after Isaac asks "You hurt him?"

Have you been good for me while I've been away? - DH

Yes sir. SS

You've been looking after yourself for me? - DH

[delay]

Yes sir. SS

You don't seem sure - DH

I am. SS

I asked you to take your medication, eat well, do your best to sleep a reasonable amount every night, and call me or spend time with someone else if you had a panic attack - DH

You've done all those things? - DH

[long delay]

Yes. SS

Pet, when I get home I'm going to ask you again - DH

And if I hear a lie I won't be pleased with you - DH

I'm lying. SS

Thank you for admitting it. - DH

Tell me the truth now, please - DH

I, uh...I haven't done any of those things. Actually. At all. SS

I see - DH

...yeah. SS

I feel like shit. SS

Before we discuss the lying...you haven't been taking your Adderall at all, or you've simply forgotten it a few times like you usually do? - DH

Because if it's the former, that's worrying - DH

Nope. Haven't had it even once. SS

Ever since our last session...I felt a bit weird afterwards. But then when you left, it just...I just sort of crashed. SS

I think I've got drop. SS

And you haven't called me? - DH

No. I didn't deserve to talk to you... SS

Oh, sweetheart... - DH

No. You always deserve to talk to me - DH

And even if you're bad, I'm the one who decides that, not you - DH

But I'm - I'm broken...I'm broken...and...I - I don't know. I'm just...I'm so tired and I can't sleep. I'm broken and it hurts and...I - I don't know what to do... SS

Stiles. I'll be home in three hours. - DH

Until then, this is what I want you to do: - DH

Get your collar and put it on for me, alright, pet? - DH

I don't...I....okay. Yeah. I'll...go find it. SS

Good boy - DH

I'm not! I'm not good. Don't say that. I'm not a good boy! SS

That's not yours to decide, pet - DH

But...but I broke the rules and...and I'm bad. I'm so bad...I don't deserve you. SS

Nothing you do while in distress or drop makes you bad, pet, and I will never punish you for it - DH

/I/ broke /my/ rules first - DH

...what's your rules? SS

My rules are to respect your safeword and your limits, to make sure you have clear expectations, to reward and praise you when you're good and punish you when you're not, and to make sure you are healthy and okay after every scene - DH

I thought I was...I thought I was just having a bit of trouble coming down. Then everything went floaty but you'd already gone. It was my fault. SS

It wasn't, sweetheart. I should have stayed with you longer, or checked on you sooner. - DH

I /always/ have responsibility for your subspace and subdrop - DH

If you are spaced when you shouldn't be, or crashing, that's on me. Not you. - DH

I'm so sorry. SS

I can't stop...I can't stop /thinking/... SS

That's alright, pet - DH

I know it's hard - DH

Have you found your collar? - DH

Yeah, I washed it off. SS

I threw it out of the window when I got upset...Landed in dirt. But it's clean now. SS

[delay]

I'm so sorry, pet - DH

Put it on for me - DH

Yes sir. SS

Tight? Or not tight... SS

I want to make sure you're safe, so you need to be able to fit at least one finger in there easily - DH

[delay]

Got it. SS

Good. Now give it a tug for me. - DH

That's my claim on you - DH

Good or bad, you're /my/ boy - DH

Yes...your boy. Okay...it feels good around my neck. SS

That's good, pet - DH

Now, you said you haven't been eating? - DH

Yeah... SS

Are you hungry at all? - DH

No. Not even a little. It's like...I won't be hungry for ages. Then all of a sudden I'll get so hungry I'll just shove everything in my mouth and I end up throwing it up. Then it all starts again. SS

I'm sorry I haven't been there to help you - DH

If I asked you to, could you eat? - DH

I don't blame you. SS

I wish I was a better sub. SS

I - I'd try if you asked me to. SS

I haven't been away because I wanted to be, sweetheart - DH

I've missed you every day - DH

You have? Really? SS

I really have, pet - DH

I didn't text you because I didn't know what to say - DH

But I thought about it a lot - DH

....you didn't know what to say? SS

Oh SS

Sometimes I feel very boring, compared to you - DH

And I'm not the best with words - DH

I should have tried anyway - DH

...you're not boring. SS

I love you. SS

I'd listen to you talk about carpet cleaner. SS

I swear. SS

I'd listen to you read the phone book. SS

Thank you - DH

You're very sweet - DH

I haven't been to anyone else recently. I made Isaac cry. SS

How did that happen, sweetheart? - DH

We were at lunch and I wanted to sit by myself but they all came over and sat with me and I told them to go away and they wouldn't and so I got upset and I went out but they followed me and Isaac said something and then I started yelling at him and all of them but it was mostly Isaac. I don't even know why I was so angry at him right then but I kept yelling at him for stealing Scott away and he ended up crying and...they left me alone after that. SS

I'm an awful person. SS

Not at all, sweetheart - DH

You were feeling abandoned by me, and you remembered the way you felt abandoned by Scott because of his friendship with Isaac - DH

...yeah...but that's not his fault. I shouldn't have yelled. SS

You yelled at him because it was a way to deal with all the bad feelings you were having because of the drop - DH

You shouldn't have, but it's understandable that you did - DH

I'm a bad friend. SS

No, sweetheart - DH

If you were a bad friend, it wouldn't bother you - DH

It hurts /because/ you care - DH

And when I'm back and you've evened out, we'll find a way to make it up to them - DH

Okay...okay good. Thank you. Thank you sir. I love you. SS

I love you too, Stiles - DH

I, uh...I ate sir. SS

What did you eat, pet? - DH

I ate an apple. I cut it up into slices but I cut my finger SS

It's not too bad though  SS

I'm even more clumsy than usual right now... SS

An apple was a good choice, pet - DH

I'd like you to go to the bathroom and get the first aid kit so you can look after your finger - DH

Alright. SS

If it's small, all you need to do is put some antiseptic cream and a band-aid on it - DH

But the cream /stings/... SS

I know, pet, but it's going to help you heal - DH

[delay]

Fine. It's done. I had a spiderman band-aid left. SS

Good boy - DH

I'm sure the spiderman band-aid suits you very well - DH

I'll buy some more soon - DH

Thank you sir. I love you. SS

I love you too, pet - DH

Can you tell me how you're feeling right now, please? - DH

Cold. SS

What are you wearing at the moment? - DH

...my collar. Like you said  SS

Good boy - DH

Are you wearing clothes? - DH

Nope. Took them all off when you texted me...not sure why. SS

Or...I might have forgotten to put some on after I showered when I got home from school... SS

Sometimes I like you to be naked for me, sweet boy - DH

I'd like you to put a pair of sweatpants and one of my spare henleys, please - DH

If you're still cold, you can wear your hoodie as well - DH

[delay]

Okay. I'm dressed now. SS

Good boy - DH

Are you feeling cold at all? - DH

Yeah...I think it's just...nothing's really as warm as you are. I don't think I'm cold on the outside but I just feel cold. SS

Okay - DH

I wish I could be there right now, sweetheart, but I can't get there any faster - DH

I know. I know you do. I'm sorry. I...god, I'm sorry. I can't...fuck. SS

You're alright, pet - DH

It's okay - DH

Tug on your collar for me, okay? Remember you're mine - DH

I'm not...it's not okay. It's not okay. I can't...I can't stop crying. I'm going to die. SS

[delay]

Yours...yours. I'm yours. Just yours... SS

That's right, pet. You're my boy. - DH

You're wearing my clothes and my collar, and I'm right here talking to you - DH

Your boy. Your clothes. Your collar. Your attention. I'm all yours. All yours. Your boy. SS

My boy - DH

I'm not ever letting you go - DH

Never let me go. SS

Yours. SS

I love you. SS

I love you - DH

What now? What do I do now...tell me what to do... SS

I want you to go to the kitchen and drink a glass of juice or soda, slowly - DH

Juice or soda SS

Okay. SS

When you're done, I want you to get a glass of water, take it to our bedroom, and put it on the nightstand - DH

I had coke. I spilled a little though, but I cleaned it up and it's fine. Okay. SS

[delay]

Done. SS

Good boy. - DH

I - I guess. SS

Thank you sir. SS

You're very welcome, pet - DH

Do you think, if I help you a little, you might be able to take a nap? - DH

I...I don't know... SS

But I promise I'll try my best. SS

You're very good, pet - DH

I know you're tired, and I think you'll be less stressed if you can sleep for some of the time I'm travelling - DH

But if you can't, that's okay. You're still my good boy. - DH

Thank you. Thank you. I love you. SS

You said...you said you'd help? Right? SS

I love you - DH

I'll help as much as I can - DH

Okay. SS

I'd like you to get into bed and cuddle my normal pillow so you have something to hug and you can smell me a little, okay? - DH

Make sure the lights are off and the blinds are down first - DH

Right...kay. Got it. Mind if...if your pillow smells like tears when you get back? SS

I don't mind at all, sweetheart - DH

You cry if you need to - DH

Okay thank you...thank you. SS

Everything's all dark...it made my head feel better. SS

And...and I'm curled up with your pillow. SS

Good boy - DH

You're welcome - DH

I love you. SS

I love you - DH

Turn the brightness on your phone down to the lowest level it's comfortable for you to read my texts at, and put it on silent - DH

[delay]

Okay...but what if I fall asleep and I can't reply and you say something important or try to get me what if your plane crashes and - and you call me but I don't hear it and you can't say goodbye and...and... SS

Sweetheart, listen to me - DH

I will come home - DH

I promise you I will come home safe - DH

...you promise? SS

I promise, Stiles - DH

[delay]

Swear. SS

Swear on something important. SS

I swear on your life, your collar, and your love, I will come home safe - DH

Okay. SS

I trust you. SS

Thank you, sweetheart - DH

My collar is important. Really...really important. SS

I can still wear it while I sleep right? SS

You can still wear it - DH

Thank you. SS

You're welcome, sweet boy - DH

Love you. SS

I love you - DH

Kay SS

my...my phone's on silent. And its dim. SS

Good boy - DH

Now, you need to know: if you fall asleep and stop replying, I will be pleased with you, okay? - DH

Okay. I'll...I'll remember that. If I fall asleep and stop replying you'll be happy. Should - should I just...stop replying? Would that make you happy? SS

No, pet - DH

I want to talk to you as long as you're awake - DH

But you don't have to stay awake to talk to me - DH

[delay]

I understand. SS

Good boy - DH

M'a good boy.. SS

You're a very good boy, pet - DH

My good boy - DH

Yours. SS

Mine - DH

...I like it when you say that. SS

Then I'll say it more - DH

You're mine, Stiles. - DH

My collar, my clothes, my pillow - DH

My attention, my love - DH

You're my boy - DH

yourboy... SS

m'good boy. your boy... SS

That's right, pet - DH

You're my boy, and I love you, and I'm coming home - DH

You're my good boy - DH

goodboy...mster's god boy. SS

love you... I love... SS

love SS

I love you, Stiles -DH

I'll be home soon - DH

[no reply]

[delay]

I have to get going now, so I won't be able to answer if you call - DH

But you've pleased me very much, pet, and I'm thinking of you - DH

If you wake up before I get home, I'd like you to drink the water, eat another piece of fruit, and have a shower if you're up for it - DH

Tug on the collar whenever you need - DH

I love you - DH

\-----

Stiles woke up a while later. He wasn't sure how long, and he wasn't sure when his master was going to be getting home. He focused on the fact that he'd promised to be home and tried not to let the anxiety creep up and twist his thoughts all around. He still felt shaky and shivery and he wrapped the blankets around himself like a nest and pushed himself up to sit against the headboard and hug his master's pillow to his chest, hiding his face in it when the tears got too much for him to see straight. He'd drunk most of the glass of water in small sips but everything was dark and scary and he kept hearing noises and seeing shadows move and he wanted his master so badly his chest _hurt_ and it was hard to breathe. He had one finger permanently wrapped around his collar and the only light was his phone screen as he stared at the words _I love you_...which he didn't deserve. He didn't deserve it but his master gave the words to him anyway...because he was kind and wonderful and he was coming home. Stiles heard what he thought might have been the door, but he was too scared to go and look, so he just curled up tighter and shivered.

When Derek got home, he could hear Stiles' heartbeat far too fast upstairs. Either he was having a nightmare, or he was awake and distressed. Derek ran up the stairs and knocked quietly on the bedroom door. "Stiles?" he called quietly. "I'm home. Are you alright?" He was so angry at himself for Stiles' drop - for scening when he had to leave, for not staying with him, for not calling him, for leaving him _alone_ \- but he had to fix it before anything else.

Stiles heard the voice. He had jumped at the knock and had panicked, almost diving under the bed for safety, when he heard the voice. It was his master's voice. It was His voice. Stiles stumbled up from the bed and dropped his phone and the blankets and made his way dazedly to open the bedroom door. He wanted to throw himself at his master, into his arms, and be safe, but he just couldn't let himself. He dropped down to his knees and bowed his head, tears still running down his face, clutching his hands too tightly behind his back so that he wouldn't reach forward and grab at his master's feet like the pathetic little worm he was, his nails digging in. Everything was too much: his heartbeat too loud in his own ears, too hard, too soft, too empty, too everything. He wanted his master but he couldn't force himself to move because this was the position he was supposed to be in and he _had_ to be good. If he wasn't good he would die.

Oh god. Stiles was...he was so distressed right now, Derek couldn't... He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and dropped to one knee. "Stiles," he said softly, slowly reaching out to cup his cheek with a hand and tilt his head up. "I'd like to kiss you. Colour?" He wasn't taking any chances right now. Fuck. He'd fucked up so badly.

It was so good, his touch, just the touch of his hand and Stiles's eyes closed, tilting his head into the touch with a little whine in the back of his throat. It felt so warm. His master was so _warm_ Stiles wanted to burrow into him and never come out. If he'd gotten back a day ago Stiles wouldn't have even let himself be _touched_ , but he was desperate for it now. "Green," he whispered, slowly opening his eyes and blinking them free of tears. "Green. Please...green...please...green..." He bit his lip, hard, forcing the broken record of words back down his throat.

"Good boy," Derek said, leaning in. The kiss wasn't passionate - it wasn't meant to be. It was sweet, comforting - or so Derek hoped. He could taste tears on Stiles' lips, and hated himself for it, even as he slid his hand into Stiles' hair, tugging on it, reminding Stiles of his claim.

The hair was a big thing for Stiles. It was his number one favourite place to be touched, even above his dick and all that other stuff. His hair was his favourite place. He kept himself still, just adding a little bit of pressure to let his master know that he was enjoying the kiss, and when they pulled away a little he whimpered. "Please...Master...can...can..." He swallowed, digging his fingernails into his wrist again. "Can I h-have a cuddle..." he whispered, his voice scratchy.

"Of course, sweet boy," Derek said softly. He kept his hand in Stiles' hair, reassuring him. "Can you stand, pet, or would you like me to carry you?" Not that it was far to the bed, but Derek thought Stiles might benefit from even the smallest amount of additional closeness.

He had to tell the truth... "I c-can...I can stand but...but please. Could you...carry me? Please, master," Stiles whispered, leaning in as much as he dared without actually touching Derek until Derek touched him first. The hand in his hair was _fantastic_ and it made the pressure in his head start to lessen a little, made his head throb less violently.

Derek kissed Stiles' forehead. "Alright, sweet boy," he said quietly. He slid his hands down Stiles' arms to catch his hands and bring them forward, and gently tugged Stiles upwards. "Stand up for me, pet, so I can get a hold of you." When they were both on their feet, Derek swung Stiles into a bridal carry, tucking Stiles' head into the crook of his neck.

Stiles whimpered when Derek kissed his forehead, tears flowing harder from sheer relief as he forced himself to stand up and almost fell forward into Derek, but Derek's arms were there, picking him up and holding him close and suddenly he was exactly where he needed to be. Stiles flung his arms around Derek's shoulders and pressed his face into his neck, nuzzling him and getting him all wet from tears, but just wanting to rub himself all over the werewolf. In one of his worse moments he'd been sure that being away would mean Derek would lose his scent and he'd somehow forget that Stiles ever existed. But he was right here now. And he was so _warm_. For the first time in days Stiles felt _warm._

Derek swallowed hard, suppressing tears of his own at Stiles' distress. He was so upset, and at the same time, so _subdued_. He carried Stiles into the bedroom, noticing the blankets scattered on the floor, and set Stiles down on the bed. "Sweet boy, I don't want to let go of you, but I need to get the blankets, alright? I want you to count to twenty for me, out loud, and then I'll be touching you again, okay?"

Stiles refused to let go of Derek for a few moments, then reluctantly uncurled himself. The second Derek left him, he shivered and curled up into the smallest possible ball that he could. "One...two, three, four, five, sixseveneightninet-ten...eleven, twelve, thirteenfourteenfifteensixt-teen...seventeen..." He swallowed, shivering again. "Eighteen...nine - nineteen..." He screwed his eyes shut, not wanting to say twenty in case Derek wasn't there and he didn't come back and his whole world fell apart. "T-twenty..." His voice was barely a whisper.

Derek couldn't quite get everything done with the way Stiles raced through some of the numbers, but at the least he managed to get all the blankets on the bed in time to get a hand in Stiles hair as he said ‘twenty’. "See, beautiful?" he murmured. "Just like I promised. I'm right here." He still had _shoes_ on, but he was here.

Stiles sighed in relief. "Okay...okay. Thank you. I - I can...I can let go now for a little while so - so you can..." He swallowed, opening his eyes and glancing at Derek, still in his work clothes. He nuzzled into the hand in his hair. "I'll be okay. I just, just wanted to check. Didn’t...didn’t want it to be a dream." Jeez he was so tired, it was hard to string words into proper sentences, but he kept going, because communication was important. He knew that. He knew it very well and he had to make sure his master knew what he was okay with and what he wasn't.

Stiles was trying so _hard_. "Alright, pet. If you think you can, I'll let go of you again for just a minute to fix the blankets and take my shoes off. The rest we can do from the bed. Is that okay?" Derek asked.

Stiles nodded, "Yes. Green. It's okay. I can do it," he promised. He reached up to hold Derek's hand for a moment, bringing it slowly down so that he could press his lips against it, and then put it by his neck, prompting Derek to wrap a couple of fingers around his collar and tug once. Stiles sighed and then nodded, letting his hand go.

"You keep a tug on that for me, sweetheart," Derek instructed gently, letting go to bend down and unlace his shoes. He didn't leave the vicinity of the bed, just moved around retucking blankets and sheets around Stiles until the bed looked comfortable again. When he was done, he pulled off his socks and threw them in the direction of the laundry hamper, and slid in next to him. "Thank you," he said softly.

Stiles nodded and moved his hand up to curl a finger around his collar, keeping the pressure, the reminder of what was around his neck. His master's claim on him. He was his boy after all. He kept his eyes open this time and watched, when Derek was in his line of sight, of course. Then he was back and Stiles couldn't hold on any longer. He moved forward and burrowed into him, into his warmth, shivering for a moment before he finally started to heat up. "So warm..." he whispered.

Derek frowned, a little confused - the bed was already warm, and it wasn't a cold day - before he remembered how Stiles had talked about being cold without him on the phone. He pulled Stiles even closer, tucking his head under his chin, rubbing slow circles on his back. "I'm right here," he murmured. "I'm sorry I went away, Stiles, but I'm here now."

Stiles curled his fingers into Derek's shirt and curled up tighter, relaxing a little into the warm touches and gentle reassurances. "It’s okay...it’s not your fault," he said softly, pressing a kiss to Derek’s chest. "I shouldn't be so...needy," he mumbled, frowning a little. "I'll be better in the future. I'll be good. I'll be the best boy in the world for you. And you'll take me with you when you go and let me wear my collar all the time so that everyone can know that I'm yours and everything will be okay because you won't need to get away from me and you won't get sick of me because I'll be good...I'll be really, really, _really_ good..."

Goddammit. He shouldn't have mentioned going away. "It isn't your fault either, pet," Derek promised, trying to reassure him. "You're such a good boy for me - the best good boy, _my_ good boy. We aren't going to talk about the future right now, but I promise, sweetheart, I'll never get sick of you. You'll be my boy for as long as you want to be."

Stiles nodded, curling closer to him. "Okay...okay. I'm - I'm a good boy. I'm your good boy. Yours. I'll always, _always_ want to be yours," he promised. "I l- " His throat closed up. The last time...the last time after the scene after they'd done the discussion and the cuddles and all that stuff. Stiles had been feeling slightly weird but hadn't known what it meant. Sometimes you just got drop, but when he whispered 'I love you' to Derek the wolf had already been asleep and hadn't answered. "I l- " He tried again but again it sent a pain through his chest. "Iloveyou," he said in a rush, screwing his eyes shut.

"I love you," Derek said back instantly. He didn't know why it was so important right now - they'd been saying it easily and often for years - but considering the number of times Stiles had said it on the phone, and how hard he was finding it right now... "I love you," he said again. "You're my good, brave boy, and I love you."

Stiles relaxed almost immediately after Derek replied. The more he said it, the better Stiles felt. Somehow it was exactly what he needed to hear right now. Sometimes he needed to be told he was a good boy for reassurance. Sometimes he needed Derek to remind him that he was his, 'Yours' was good for those times. But right now he just needed to know that he was loved. "Thank you...I love you. Thank you," he whispered, looking up and smiling at Derek, smiling honestly for the first time in days. It even reached his eyes and lit them up a little, making him seem less exhausted and empty.

Derek hid a sigh of relief. Apparently that was what Stiles had needed to hear. "I love you," Derek said again. He kissed Stiles' forehead. "I love you." He kissed one cheek - "I love you" - then the other - "I love you" - then Stiles' eyelids - "I love you. I love you." - the tip of his nose - "I love you" - and his mouth. "I love you so much, sweetheart," he murmured.

Stiles felt his chest start to unclench, the weight seem to lift from his shoulders. The mental blocks finally lifting and allowing his body to start getting his hormones back in balance, though it would take at least till the next day, if not the day after for him to be fully back on track. He sighed happily and kissed Derek back softly, finally feeling able to shake off the last little tremor of the scene from the previous week. "Thank you," he whispered, his eyes sliding closed. "I love you. Can - can we sleep now? I feel like I can sleep now..." He yawned, still nuzzling into Derek.

Derek smiled at him. "Sleep, Stiles. I love you, and I'm here." To be honest, Derek was tired too, from the emotional strain of the last few hours, and from travelling. He didn't mind that it was early. The two of them curled up together, and slept.

\-----

The day following Derek's return had been _wonderful_. Derek had kept him close all day and they'd done all of Stiles' favourite aftercare things: they'd had a bubble bath, and they'd watched movies together on the couch, and they'd cuddled all day and not had sex at all, not even making out. And they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms and it had been magical. Now it was the morning after and Stiles woke up feeling well rested and ready to start the day. He'd completely stopped shaking and he opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend beside him with a grin. He was so beautiful.

When Derek woke up, Stiles was grinning. "Oh thank god," he said, all in a rush, swallowing hard. "You're...you were..." He'd thought Stiles was levelling out by yesterday evening, but he hadn't been sure, and he'd still seemed _fragile_ , and it was Derek's fault, and... "Fuck. Thank god," he said again.

Stiles moved closer and kissed Derek's forehead. "Shh, it's alright," he said, stroking the side of his face. "I'm okay now, Der. You took care of me just like you always do. It's alright. That aftercare was for you too, you know, so that you can be safe and take care of me, so that you don't go into drop either. It can happen to anyone." He stroked softly through Derek's hair as he spoke. "It's alright. I'm back. I'm myself again," he promised.

"I fucked up," Derek blurted. "We couldn't talk about it while you were still crashed because I knew you'd blame yourself, but...I fucked up." In so many ways. "I left you, I didn't give you enough aftercare, I didn't check on you...god, Stiles, when I got home...I hope I never have to see you that upset ever again."

Stiles kept stroking through Derek’s hair - it was his best means of comfort - as he listened. "It's okay, Derek," he said quietly, once the older man had finished talking. "It’s okay. I've been thinking about it, and it's okay. We just need to talk things through so that it doesn't happen again. Nearly _everyone_ experiences drop at one point or another, Derek. It doesn't make you a bad dom or a bad person. And it doesn't make me weak or pathetic either. Let’s hope you never have to see me that way again, but we need to talk things through. I promise you on my _life_ that it wasn't your _fault_. You just didn’t realise. I wasn't communicating well enough, you weren't judging the intensity of the scene enough, but that's okay. We all make mistakes. The important part is that when you realised that I wasn't okay, you came back _immediately_ and you took care of me, and while you were on your way you were texting me and getting me through it. Once you knew something was wrong you did _everything_ right. Accidents happen, Derek. It's okay." He kissed Derek’s forehead.

Derek hunched his shoulders, frowning. "But I still wasn't here," he objected. That was the core of the problem, he knew. If he'd been _here_ , in Beacon Hills, it wouldn't have happened. "I wasn't here, and you got upset, and I...I didn't even know." He'd been thinking about this for most of the previous day, and he thought he'd found a solution. "I think you need another dom."

Stiles blinked, immediately panicking a little. "Hold on," he said, standing up and walking to the other side of the room, staring at the wall for a moment while he talked to himself inside his head, told himself it didn't mean what he thought it meant, told himself to calm down and breathe and just _listen_ to Derek. When he'd calmed down he turned back and crawled back over the bed, sitting up and looking at Derek intently. "Alright. Explain," he said softly.

Fuck. He'd fucked up again. "I didn't mean it like that," Derek said hurriedly. "I still want to be your dom, of _course_ I still want to be your dom, I love you so much, I love you being mine." He bit his lip and looked away. "But if I can't be there...if I can't look after you...I think you need someone who can. Just in case."

Stiles shook his head. "It's fine. When you said it, I immediately panicked. Because my biggest fear is being a burden on you...being too much for you to handle." He explained it softly, smiling and lacing his fingers in with Derek's and holding his hand. "But I know you just meant that when you can't be here, you want to know that someone else is, someone that you trust. I understand that. It's okay. I love you. And I'm always going to be yours. I'm open to doing this, if you honestly think it will help."

"Not for...for scenes, or anything," Derek explained. "But...if someone had been here, to cuddle you and tell you you were good and make sure you were eating and sleeping...that would have helped, wouldn't it? Right now, the pack...none of them know enough to know how to help you, or to know that you might need it. You're never a burden, Stiles, _never_. But I need to know you'll be okay even if you can't come to me."

Stiles bit his lip as he listened. "Yeah..I think it would have helped," he said softly, rubbing his thumb over Derek's knuckles. "Do you think we should make it one of the pack? Or do you think...do you think we should just explain it to the whole pack?" he asked, shrugging. He honestly wouldn't _mind_ everyone knowing. He didn't think they'd judge him for it, or Derek - he had a sneaking suspicion that some of them suspected anyway - and it meant he could wear his collar around them, and he wouldn't make anyone cry next time, because they'd know that he was just in a really bad headspace. "I have a theory of why I got drop as well," he said, after a couple of moments thought.

"Telling the whole pack would probably be good," Derek agreed. "Although I'd like someone to specifically be your backup dom. I was thinking either Scott or Lydia." Lydia would be a natural dom, but Scott was probably more comforting for Stiles. Then his mind latched onto the second thing Stiles had said. "Why was it?" he asked. "What do I need to change?"

Stiles smiled. "That'd be good," he agreed. He didn't mind which it was: they were both his best friends in the whole world. "Okay...I looked it up on the internet because, you know, research and me, peas in a pod, kind of thing," he said with a smile. "The scene we did before you left was quite an intense one, it was like...level 8 out of 10. Which is totally fine, that's not the problem. The problem I think is that with every scene, and with every level of intensity, if you do manage to reach subspace there is an appropriate amount of time you need to spend coming down from that subspace. So yeah, you did give me the aftercare and everything and it was great, but the problem was that _I_ came down too quickly. I wasn't in the right headspace to receive the aftercare because I'd already mentally screwed myself by coming down too quickly; that fucked with my hormones and I got drop and blah, blah, so on and so forth. So next time, all I need you to do is if it's an intense scene, do _not_ let me come down too quickly. If - if that's okay..." Stiles rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I push myself too hard, we all know that." He shrugged apologetically.

Derek frowned, thinking. "So I need to...ease you out of it more? Dom you for longer after we're done with the intense scenes?" he asked. He honestly hadn't thought about it before, but now that he did...it made enough sense that it felt like it should have been obvious. "You're still not allowed to blame yourself for the drop," he added. "I told you before - _I'm_ the responsible party when you're in subspace."

Stiles squeezed Derek's hand. "It's no one's fault babe. It’s just something we hadn’t thought of. We had thought about taking time to come down, but we hadn't thought about how the time required needs to be _different_ from scene to scene. We just have to work it out is all," he said softly. "The fact that you can get me to subspace every single time is a fucking miracle. I read it's like...with a good dom the average is one in five. So...yeah." He smiled, winking at Derek to cheer him up.

"I would argue that it's you who's remarkable," Derek countered, but light-heartedly. Stiles didn't blame him. Stiles thought he was a good dom. They were going to be alright. "I love you," he murmured. Suddenly he remembered something that had been nagging at him. "Stiles...why did you need to hear that so much? When I first came home - that I loved you?"

Stiles stilled a little. "Uh..." he mumbled, flushing and moving to lean back against the headboard, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at them. "Okay, see, if I tell you, you have to promise not to be mad at yourself, because it was in no way your fault...like, at _all_. There's no way you could have helped this," he mumbled.

Derek frowned and reached for Stiles' hand. "Stiles..." he said slowly. "What did I do?"

"No. It’s - it’s not what you did, it’s..." Stiles squeezed Derek's hand and ran his other hand through his hair, sighing. "You have to promise not to be mad at yourself, Derek. You have to promise me," he said, looking at him seriously.

"I promise to listen to your explanation of why it was okay," Derek said instead. Without knowing what it was, how could he know whether to blame himself or not?

Stiles sighed, closing his eyes. "Alright," he said, rubbing his face again. "So...after we did the scene, after I came down too quickly, after we did the aftercare, after everything, we were just laying in bed drifting off to sleep..." he mumbled, keeping his eyes closed. "And...at some point...I whispered ‘I love you,’ and you...were already asleep. So you didn't say it back. Then when I woke up the next morning, as we had discussed the previous day, you were gone too early for me to talk to you, and your note thing that you left telling me to have a lovely day...didn't say I love you on it either...and I just - " He shrugged. "It wasn't your _fault_. Okay?"

Derek sighed, dropping his head back onto the pillow. "New rule. You are allowed to interrupt _anything_ to hear me say I love you. Just get my attention, say it, and I'll say it back." He thought about it for a moment and winced. "Please don't abuse it to embarrass me," he added.

Stiles sighed in relief when Derek didn't immediately go into a guilt spiral. He nodded and shuffled to lay beside him and cuddle him, wrapping himself around him like a koala wrapping itself around a tree. "Promise only once every few days," he said with a grin. Then he raised his head and looked at him. "I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you," Derek said instantly. Some part of him now, he knew, would always be listening for those words. He could think of worse things. "I love you so much, Stiles," he repeated. "Thank you for forgiving me."

Stiles smiled and hugged him, nuzzling his face into Derek's chest. "There's nothing to forgive,” he murmured. "You didn't fall asleep on purpose. It just happens."

Stiles smiled against Derek’s chest and kissed the spot over his heart. "Right, now that that's out of the way, we have to figure out how we're going to tell everyone else." He chuckled.

"They're going to ask some really stupid questions," Derek complained. "Mostly of you, I think. But Scott will glare me to death." Scott had always been a little begrudging of Derek's relationship with Stiles, and BDSM, to the untrained eye (which Derek was _sure_ Scott was) could seem much more unhealthy than it actually was. "We could mix it in with an explanation for the other day," he suggested. "Was everyone there? You never actually said."

Stiles chuckled a little. "Yeah he's gonna be pissed. And really confused. God, his confused slash angry face is the most hilarious thing." He laughed, wrapping more tightly around Derek. When Derek mentioned the other day, however, he stopped laughing, sighing and hiding his face. "Yeah," he mumbled. "Everyone who wasn't with you on the trip," he said, sighing.

"Okay," Derek said, surprised and not particularly happy that none of them had contacted him. He was going to follow up on that. "We could tag it on near the end of the next pack meeting," he suggested. "Do you want me to explain, or will you be okay doing it yourself? Do you want your collar?"

Stiles' hand went up to his neck. "Yeah,” he answered, thinking about how he wanted to do this. "I do - I want it. And...I think I'll be okay explaining it, but if I get stuck I might need you to help me." He sighed and lay on his back. "God, I hope this goes well," he whispered.

"I'll help you as much as I can," Derek promised. "It'll be okay. Even if they don't understand it, they're our pack. They'll get over it." Or Derek would make them. Either way. But he wasn't going to let Stiles suffer for the pack's ignorance.

Stiles smiled, reaching over and holding Derek's hand as he lay beside him. "Thanks, babe." he said softly, squeezing his hand and lacing their fingers together. He was still a little worried though...he just hoped that they understood.

\-----

There was nothing major going on in Beacon Hills right now, thank god, so the 'business' part of the meeting was just checking in with the border patrols and finding out whether Allison had any word on hunters coming through. Stiles and Lydia updated everyone on the latest with their digitised, translated bestiary, which they were gradually adding more and more annotations to. After that, they disintegrated pretty quickly into smaller conversations about this and that, enjoying being all together in the same space. Derek wasn't much of a one for talking, but he listened in, adding his bit here and there, making sure everyone in his pack was healthy and happy. Eventually he caught Stiles' eye where he was talking to Allison, giving him a pointed look. He'd been jittery all night, and it was time.

Stiles swallowed when he caught the look that Derek was sending his way. He had been wrapped up in a hoodie and a blanket the whole time and so his collar had been hidden, but apparently now was the time for the reveal. He glanced back at Allison and smiled nervously. "Hold that thought," he muttered, standing up and leaving the blanket behind, moving to stand in front of everyone and unzip his hoodie. He cleared his throat so that they looked at him and he shrugged the hoodie off, leaving him in one of Derek's henley's, his sweats and the collar.

"So, uh..." he started, running a hand through his hair. "You all know that Derek and I have been together for a while now, and that we've been banging pretty much on the regular. But what you may not know is that we're also both kind of into some stuff, which falls under the huge vague and ambiguous umbrella of BDSM." He stuck his hands in his pockets and looking at the floor sheepishly. "The other day some stuff went a bit wonky, as it always does in these kinds of things, and I, uh...I sort of got this thing called drop. Which is...when your hormone levels get all messed up, because when you get into this thing called subspace, you have a whole bunch of endorphins released and it's pretty much the most amazing high ever in the world ever. But then if you come down too fast, whoosh...they crash, and it messes you up for a while. Now this happened when Derek was away.... so he couldn't help me through it, and it just got worse, and I had a little bit of a spiral and long story short, that's kind of the reason I had that massive go at all of you...the other day. Which I'm really, _really_ sorry about....." He trailed off, having said a lot of words quite fast, too scared to look up.

Derek watched the pack's reactions. Scott seemed confused, but worried. Lydia simply raised her eyebrows and nodded as if confirming something she'd already guessed. When Jackson opened his mouth, she gave him an unimpressed look and he shut up, which was a relief. Erica looked incredibly curious, which fit, but before she could ask any questions, Isaac spoke up. "I was really worried - you seemed so upset. But then, when I asked, you just got worse, and I thought...well, I figured you didn't want to talk about it and I should back off."

"What made you drop?" Allison asked. "Did something go wrong?"

Stiles rubbed his arm, listening to their questions. When Isaac spoke though he managed to raise his head to look at him. "I'm _really_ sorry, Isaac," he said, his expression a little pained and a lot guilty. "You really didn't deserve that. I was...well...I was worried that Derek had gone away because he didn't want me anymore, that he was going to find someone new and replace me. Which is totally irrational, but you know my anxiety levels are high on a good day, and the drop just made it worse...And...and it reminded me of when you and Scott first started hanging out, which was just after Scott and Allison had started hanging out. I just...it reminded me of some of those feelings...which... which..." He lowered his head again. "Which I never actually told Scott about. I've only told Derek...It's just, I had only Scott for so long, and when I suddenly had to share him I felt like - like I wasn't good enough anymore. Like he had shiny new girlfriends and friends and pack and I was just...like the really old toy that's boring and broken but you didn't quite have the heart to throw away so you just put it under your bed and forget about it." He glanced up at Allison. "It, uh...it was because we had just done a pretty intense scene, and I came down from my subspace too fast. I didn't give myself enough time to adjust...it just threw me is all," he said quietly, looking down again.

That jolted Scott into moving. "Dude!" he said, crossing the room to catch Stiles up in a hug, "I'd never replace you, it's completely impossible. Why didn't you ever tell me?" After a long moment of hugging he added. "Also, I have pretty much no clue what you're talking about. What's a scene?"

When he suddenly had an armful of Scott Stiles let out a breath of relief and hugged him back tightly. "I'm sorry, man...I didn't want you to feel like you were _obligated_ to hang out with me. You know, we've never been the coolest of people. Then you got the bite and you started climbing up all the damn ladders...I just didn't wanna hold you back, you know? You're my brother. I'd stay at the bottom and hold your ladder for all time if that's what you wanted," he promised, letting Scott free after a moment and blushing. "It means...well...for the most part it means sex," he said, shrugging. "It means, like, kinky sex." He blushed.

Erica wolf whistled. "I'd like to point out that I was the first one that called that Stiles and Derek would be the kinkiest ones of the group," she announced proudly, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back against Boyd with a smirk.

Boyd rolled his eyes fondly.

Allison tried to explain it a little more clearly, taking pity on Scott's confusion. "It means...Derek telling Stiles what to do? Possibly restraints, or painplay, or roleplay, or something like that."

Derek winced. He had been hoping no-one would mention pain play.

"Wait..." said Isaac, sounding concerned, looking at Derek. "You hurt him?"

Stiles swallowed. "I like it," he blurted out. He looked at Isaac. "He would never ever do anything to me that I didn't want. We talk about it all _at length_ beforehand. Just making sure everything is okay. And it's all safe. Safe, sane, consensual. That's like the motto. So I have a safe word that I can say if I want things to stop immediately, and Derek asks me colours as we go, like green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop - like traffic lights. And we talk about it before and after. And Derek always gives me aftercare, which means he doesn't start feeling guilty, because he gets to take care of me and pamper me, and I don't start feeling bad about myself because he's right there and he's loving me and showing me that he loves me and that I'm wanted. So, yeah...he has hurt me, but it's because I asked him to. It's because...sometimes...I need him to." He swallowed, looking down at himself. "I have scars, you see...because I used to hurt _myself_. And that - that's not healthy. That's bad, and not okay. But with Derek, it's different. Because I still get that feeling, but it's in a _safe_ way. And I trust Derek. I trust him with my _life_. And I know that he would never ever do anything to me that I didn't want, that he thought I couldn't handle, or that would actually genuinely hurt me in the long run," he explained.

Jackson frowned, then raised his eyebrows, then finally settled. "Well..." he said, "Good for you guys. I know Lyds can get a little rough in bed, but that sounds like you've really thought it through, which obviously you have because it's _you_ , Stiles, and you never stop thinking." He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Never stop talking either."

"That's another thing!" Stiles exclaimed, "It helps me stop thinking. It helps my brain get quieter...and - and you know, you just said. I'm always thinking, I'm always way over the top, I'm always talking because it just gets way too crowded in my brain. But when me and Derek do a scene I don't have to think, I just...follow the rules and do as he says and it's _bliss_ , honestly," he said with a smile.

Scott's expression had morphed from worry to confusion to distress, and finally landed on 'I did _not_ need to know that'. The others all looked more or less appeased, although Isaac still seemed a bit uneasy.

Derek finally spoke up. "I love Stiles, and we do this because it makes us _both_ happy. In a scene, my priority is always him. But what we do has its own risks, and we decided to tell you because those we discovered this week that the two of us can't manage those risks on our own." He took a deep breath. "We wanted you all to understand _why_ Stiles acted the way he did the other day, but we were also hoping you'd agree to help prevent that happening again. Sometimes I can't be there, and I'll always do the best I can to make sure Stiles gets what he needs when that happens, but...if something goes wrong, him calling me isn't enough. Sometimes he might not even call me. He needs someone _there_."

Stiles blushed furiously when Derek started talking about him needing someone, looking down and wrapping his arms around himself. He told himself over and over again that he wasn't a burden, practically yelled it at himself inside his head. But the scent of shame still drifted a little from his skin and hovered around him. Just faintly. But the wolves could all tell. "You don't...have to," he mumbled quietly. "I get - I get if you think it's...weird. I just - I don't. I..." He swallowed, the words getting caught in his throat as his hand went up to tug at his collar to calm himself down a little.

Erica's face softened. "We'll definitely help," she said, gesturing to herself and Boyd. "If Stiles needs taking care of, we’ll make sure he gets all the love and attention he needs."

"And so will we." Allison said, speaking for herself and Scott and Isaac, "Sometimes Isaac gets a little fragile, and me and Scott take care of him," she said softly, smiling warmly at Stiles.

Jackson raised an eyebrow at Lydia, waiting for her to step in and say something, because obviously he wasn't going to, but he expected her to.

Lydia had been quiet so far, waiting for everyone else to ask their questions. She got up, and went over to Stiles, looking him over. Derek was impressed. Even from here, he could feel the presence she gave off - it seems he'd guessed right that she was a natural dom. "Stiles," she said firmly. "We've all offered our help. It's up to you to take it. Will you let us look after you?" She glanced over her shoulder at Derek. "I assume you gave your permission, since we're talking about it at all, but if you've got any restrictions, you'll need to let us know."

Derek just waited for Stiles' response.

Stiles could _feel_ Lydia's presence as she moved around the room, towards him. He kept his head down and tugged at his collar again, before putting his hand downs in front of him and clasping them like he was under inspection. He tried not to flinch too visibly when she suddenly said his name, chewing his lip and not even daring to glance up to look at Derek. If Derek hadn't spoken up yet, it was because he was waiting for Stiles to make a decision. He figured that Lydia was talking very seriously, and if he agreed now...he had pretty much agreed to letting them take care of him any way they saw fit - that they had discussed with Derek, obviously - when Derek wasn't around. It was kind of intimidating, putting his faith in that many people, but it seemed as though Lydia would be in charge, and yeah, he trusted her, but he also knew she'd be _firm_ and not back down when it came to the hard stuff. He swallowed, then nodded. "Yes," he said, then repeated it a little more confidently. "Yes, I agree. I'll let you look after me. Thank you." He glanced up and met her eyes hesitantly.

Lydia smiled at him slightly. "Good. I'll come over sometime soon to talk to you both about what you want."

"We were hoping you'd offer," Derek said honestly. "Not that the rest of you aren't great, but..."

"Lydia knows her shit," Erica finished for him. "I mean, wow. Is that what it's normally like with the two of you? Because that was impressive."

Stiles smiled back at Lydia, practically beamed at her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pressing his face into _her_ strawberry blonde hair. "Thanks, Lyds," he said softly, before letting her go and moving back, smiling at Erica. "Yeah, it’s...you have no idea. When Derek really gets into his space it's like...wow. I mean, just...wow." His eyes took on a dreamy look for a second, then he shook his head and got himself out of it.

Jackson wrapped his arms around Lydia when she came and sat back down. "You..." he muttered so quietly that not even the wolves could hear - not that they were paying attention anyway - "...are amazing."

Isaac chewed his thumbnail, still looking a little bit worried. "Does that drop thing happen often? You - you seemed really upset," he mumbled, looking between Derek and Stiles.

Derek winced. "That was...particularly bad. The short answer is no. The long answer..." He looked at Stiles, raising one arm in invitation for a hug, and was pleased when Stiles joined him. "Not every time. Not even most times. But everyone drops _some_ times. We take precautions to prevent it, and to smooth it out, and a big part of my responsibility as the dom is to make sure that, if Stiles _does_ drop, he gets out of it okay. But I wasn't here." He frowned. "I wasn't here, so I didn't notice, and Stiles dropped fast enough that he didn't feel like he could call me, so he was crashed for close to three days. I came home to look after him as soon as I realised, but...it would have been a lot easier on him if I'd noticed sooner."

Stiles went to Derek and cuddled under his arm, wrapping his arms around Derek's waist and pressing his face into his chest. "Even doms will drop but it's really rare, because they aren't as vulnerable, and they don't experience the same levels of hormone fluctuations that subs do. Doms get more of an energy based high than an emotional, so after a scene Derek might get real sleepy, rather than emotionally imbalanced." He smiled lightly. "But it's still possible and it's important - the aftercare, that Derek gets it too. And yeah...he wasn't here, and it - it sucked. But there was nothing we could have done, because we know things now that we didn't know before, so we made mistakes, but we learnt from them. So it's okay."

After a few moments Scott stood up, "I get that...Lydia is clearly the best person for the job," he began, looking at Stiles intently. "She can...I don't know, do all the normal things that a dom is supposed to do, and I don't...understand that. Clearly. But I'm pretty sure from what you said about aftercare, that it's like...making sure you feel safe and loved, like...on those days when it was your mom's birthday, and I'd come over and we'd just watch tv, or play video games, or just cuddle for hours while you cried and I held you...I'd like to think I'm the person who knows you best in that kind of way. So if that's what you need, rather than the - the complicated stuff...I'd like to volunteer my services," he finished, smiling at Stiles, who looked like he was about to cry.

Derek hugged Stiles tight and smiled at Scott. "We were hoping you'd say that, too. And you're right: that's a lot of what aftercare is about."

Scott nodded. "Good. You'll tell me anything else I should know? So I don't mess it up?"

"We will," Derek said firmly. He looked around the room, so proud of his pack for the way they'd responded to this. "And thank you, all of you, for offering to help. It means a lot. Although..." His tone turned serious. "Would you mind telling me why none of you let me know Stiles was upset?"

This time it was Jackson who decided to speak up, because he was comfortable saying the kind of things that the others weren't willing to admit. "Well see, we didn't know then what we know now, that he was upset and in need of some TLC, so it appeared to _us_ that he was just being a dick for no apparent reason. Telling us all to fuck off when we tried to sit with him, yelling at everyone, making Isaac cry, ignoring us. And you don't really go and bitch to your friend about said friend's girlfriend slash boyfriend. That would be a dick move. So, since we were pissed at Stiles because we didn't understand what was going on, we didn't want to bitch to you about him, because that would make us seem like assholes. We assumed you guys'd figure it out on your own time," he said simply, shrugging. He was honest, and yeah they were wrong, but that's what they, or at least he, had thought at the time.

Derek sighed. "Alright. That's understandable. You wouldn't have known."

Isaac bit his lip. "We still should have let you know. Even just asked you if everything was okay. That wasn't like Stiles at all...we should have guessed something was wrong."

"Don't blame yourself," Derek said firmly. "A lot of mistakes were made this week, and none of the important ones were by you." Most of them were by Derek, after all.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "See? Guilt complex." He muttered, motioning toward Derek. "Not even a little bit his fault. It's like...of the people who are at fault - if we count all of you guys as one person - then yeah, it's like...two percent your fault and ninety eight percent our fault. But then if you factor in the things that are nobody's fault, it’s like two percent your fault, twenty percent our fault, ten each, maybe fifteen each at a push...and then it's mostly no one's fault. That's just life." He shrugged. "So, yeah...sorry about being a dick, but...I'm glad you've forgiven me now, and we'll try not to let it happen again, and damn, things are gonna be much easier now that you guys know," he said with a smile.

Scott relaxed a lot at this evidence of Stiles being himself, of Stiles and Derek acting like equals. Whatever was going on with all this extra...stuff, Stiles was still Stiles.

Derek didn't have anything else to say, and after half a minute of awkward silence, the group began to break up into smaller conversations again, although Derek could hear a lot of mentions of 'Derek', 'Stiles', 'drop', 'scene', and so on. "They're talking about us," he murmured in Stiles' ear.

Stiles smiled. "Well, yeah, what else would they be talking about?" he chuckled, grabbing Derek's hand and dragging him over to sit down, placing himself in Derek's lap and curling against his chest. "That went way better than I'd expected," he said softly, curling the fingers of one hand into Derek's jumper. "The conversations about further stuff you are gonna have to have with Lydia though are something I am looking forward to watching...while hiding." He grinned brightly. "And I got my best friend back!" he whispered with glee.

"Oh no," Derek said, smiling. "You're going to be right there when Lydia and I talk. She needs _your_ consent as much as she needs _my_ permission. And I'm not letting her dom you when I'm not there until I've seen her do it and made sure I'm comfortable with how she treats you." He stroked Stiles' back absently as he spoke. "It was very impressive, actually. Considering how inexperienced she most likely is, and definitely with you." He kissed Stiles lightly. "I'm pleased for you and Scott. I know how much it was hurting you."

Stiles sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fair enough. So you're gonna watch her dom me like some kind of audition? Well...not the weirdest thing we'll have ever done." He chuckled, laying his head on Derek's shoulder. After a moment though he raised it and looked over at them. "I dunno...Jackson's never made a secret of the fact that, of the two of them, Lydia is the one with the claws. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd dabbled. But yeah, you're right...we need to do this carefully," he agreed, stilling as his gaze flickered to Scott, before looking back at Derek and kissing him, letting his head fall back down to his shoulder. "I missed him a lot. And I know that he only gave me less attention because I always made sure to be cool about everything, and let him know that I understood, and yeah, I did...I just miss him. I'm glad that I've got a free pass for his undivided attention when I'm feeling down," he mumbled.

"As far as he's concerned, I don't think you ever didn't," Derek pointed out. "And I hadn't thought about the thing with Lydia as an audition, more like...training. I want to teach her to look after my boy the way I like." It would be...interesting, to say the least. Until this had come up, Derek had been fairly possessive of Stiles' submission, but he was finding himself wanting to show it off more and more, to the pack, at least. He wanted them to see the way Stiles was his, was good for him.

Stiles chuckled, instantly seeing through Derek like a window. "You just wanna show off," he said, poking Derek in the chest. "You wanna let them see how well you've tamed the wild Stiles." He laughed happily, then wrapped his arms around Derek and hugged him. "That's okay Der-bear. I'm pretty fucking proud of you myself. And if I were you, I'd wanna show me off too," he mumbled, kissing Derek's neck. "Training is good though." He winked, pulling back. "Definitely good fun. Sounds terrifying, but fun," he said with a smile.

\-----

Derek and Stiles had discussed some of what they'd want Lydia to do, and some of the limits they'd want, but for the most part, everything was going to be negotiated today, with her. Derek wasn't particularly sure of the dynamic, but he knew it was his role to be the certain one. Like in a scene, he supposed. He heard a car park outside and called out, "Stiles, Lydia's here," as he went to open the door.

Stiles ran a hand through his hair and made his way down to the living room, sitting on the couch and bringing his legs up to cross his feet underneath him and listen to Derek and Lydia talk. He'd come when they wanted him, but he figured they'd want to talk in here first.

Lydia smiled lightly and tilted her head to the side as Derek opened the door. "Hello Derek," she said, coming in once he stepped aside a little to let her, hanging her coat up and taking her shoes off. This was serious business.

"Hi Lydia," he replied. "Thank you for coming. Would you like something to drink?" Despite all Stiles' teasing, Derek _did_ know how to be a polite host, and he felt that today of all days, he wanted to set the scene...courteously.

"Water would be lovely, thank you," Lydia said politely, following Derek into the kitchen. She watched, frowning slightly, as he poured her a glass, then asked, "How is today going to go?"

"I'd like to go through some basic things," Derek explained, leading her back into the main room. "Then we'll talk, all three of us, about what we do and don't want. And then I'd like to see you dom Stiles, if you don't mind."

Stiles looked up when they both came in, smiling half excited half nervous as he reached up for whatever drink it was that Derek had gotten him. "Thanks babe." He mumbled, seeing as the scene hadn't started yet. He wasn't very good at... making decisions. But he wasn't in the scene yet, and he felt pretty confident that he could handle it. He sipped at his drink. "Hey Lyds, you're looking gorgeous as usual." he winked at her with a grin.

"Of course I am," she said jokingly, smiling back. She took a seat on the couch and focused on Derek, although she included Stiles in her gaze too. "So. The basics, then."

"I'm sure you've realised by now that Stiles is my submissive," Derek began. "You seem to know some things about BDSM, so I won't clarify terms, but if there is _anything_ you feel you may need more information about, ask." He was behaving more like a dom now than when she had arrived, he realised. Glancing at Stiles, he decided that he was okay with that. Stiles deserved protection and care. "The situations we can think of where you might need to dom him in my place are primarily going to be supporting him if he's having trouble after a scene and I can't make it back to look after him myself, so we're going to focus on that scenario. The most important things to know are also the most obvious: no sex, or anything approaching it; and Stiles is _my_ boy. Never yours."

Stiles shivered a little when Derek started to get into his dom mode; it always made him tingle. And when it was stressed that he was _Derek's_...well, Stiles found himself slipping into his sub mode a little sooner than he'd expected. It was okay though, it was mild, but damn if Derek didn't just put him in that place faster than anything else.

Lydia nodded solemnly, "Of course. I understand perfectly. My job is to reassure him that he is a good boy, and that he is doing you proud. I'd never dream of calling him mine, or trying anything sexual." She promised, raising a perfectly manicured nail to draw a cross over her heart.

Derek nodded approvingly. "Good. You should also know that we use the traffic light system for safewords. Feel free to check in regularly. Stiles' rules that you may need to help with are that he has to look after himself for me: eating regularly, taking his medication, trying to sleep a reasonable amount. If he has a panic attack, he is to call me afterwards, or to spend time in the physical presence of one of the pack, so that I can be sure he's okay. He _always_ has permission to call me so he can hear that I love him. You may need to encourage him to follow up on that."

Lydia nodded as she listened and got out her phone, opening up a new note and typing in the things that Derek listed. What she ended up typing in was:

  * _Food. Meds. Sleep._

  * _Panic attack cuddles/call Derek._

  * _Call Derek = I love you._

  * _Traffic light safewords._

  * _Check in with Derek regularly._




"Got it," she said, putting the phone down.

Derek looked over at Stiles. "Could you tell Lydia a bit about what you need and experience in subspace, drop, and aftercare? I'll add what I've noticed, but it's _you_ she needs to be responding to."

Stiles ran a hand through his hair, thinking for a moment, then nodding. "I, uh...so from what I've experienced so far, I - subspace is great for me, because it lets me clear my head, you know...focus on _just_ what you're telling me to do. So if you ask me to make a choice...I'll find it hard. Choices are easy with aftercare if I'm happy, because I usually know what I want. It's usually just lots of cuddles and reassuring touches and words while we watch a movie, and sugary foods. So in aftercare I can usually tell you what I need, but with subspace choices are hard, and I prefer just...being told what to do.”

Sometimes I feel...like I need to be punished," he said quietly. "And, uh, and I won't feel _right_ if I'm not. Der...usually just reminds me that it's _his_ decision whether or not I need to be punished, if he doesn't think I am...it takes me a little while, but I get the hint.”

Drop - it's usually one of three things. Either I need to hear that I'm not...useless - that no one's going to find me boring or...a burden, or abandon me...or whatever. Just reassuring me that - that Derek still wants me, that I'm a _good boy_. That's the one where I really need ‘good boy’ - that thing. Because if I know I'm good, then I know Derek wants me. The second thing it could be is that I need to hear that I belong to him. Derek. That I'm his. I can't stress enough how important that is to me when I'm really deep in it...that I'm Derek's. That I'm his boy and his pet and his. And the third thing is, uh, is pretty much the love thing. Just reminding me that I'm loved, especially that Derek loves me. That always helps. When I drop I go back to how I used to be...before Der and I started dating. And I'm really forgetful, sleeping, eating, all that stuff. I get really forgetful ‘cause it’s just not important..."

Derek frowned slightly. "Because it doesn't _seem_ important," he corrected gently. "Your welfare is very important to me, Stiles, which is why it's in our rules." He turned to Lydia. "There are kinds of punishment that are and aren't acceptable, and situations when I don't think it's appropriate. Nothing Stiles says or does while in drop or distress will earn a punishment. Ever. If he asks for one, you need to remind him of that. In most circumstances, you won't be punishing Stiles at all - that will wait until I get back. But if you did need to...what would you do?" He was curious to hear her answer, honestly.

Lydia tapped at her lips with a finger, considering. "Hmm. Nothing corporal - I wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and I'm sure you two wouldn't be either. Nothing to do with humiliation or embarrassment, that wouldn't be fair considering the circumstances where I'd be getting involved." She pursed her lips, considering and discarding options. "How would you feel about being ignored?" she finally asked Stiles. "About me not looking at you, or touching you, or listening to you, for a set time?"

Stiles swallowed, sipping his water. "You mean like time out?" He asked, looking at her for a few moments, then turning away. "That would, uh, that would be... _really_ effective," he said quietly, rubbing a hand through his hair and tugging lightly at the strands. "That'd be horrible actually. As a punishment it would be super effective, and I'd...you know...well, obviously I'd try get out of it at first, try my hardest. But when it got serious...man I'd break so fast...like that." He snapped his fingers. "Be crying and everything, begging for forgiveness. Grovelling mess all over the floor."

Derek reached over to press a grounding hand on the back of Stiles' neck, fingers twisting in the collar just enough to pull on it. "It's not one of the punishments I use, but I don't have the same restrictions you do," he said to Lydia. "Just...for my peace of mind. Tell me what you think a punishment is about?"

"Punishments reinforce the rules structure in a way that allows a submissive to be forgiven," Lydia said briskly. "They wipe the slate clean."

Derek nodded. "Good. I agree with you. The aim isn't to make Stiles 'sorry'. It's to make him feel like he's made up for what he's done wrong. Stiles?" Derek turned to him, hoping for his opinion on the matter.

Stiles frowned, thinking about it for a little while. "Huh... I guess I never thought about it that way before," he said quietly. "I guess I didn't think about...why I was getting the punishments. It was just...you do something bad, you get punished. You were bad, you gotta feel bad. Them's the rules. Do the crime do the time. Like did you eat today? No. Well then here's your punishment. Now don't do it again. If you do you'll get punished again. Negative reinforcement. Dissuasion from committing the infraction again. Course it doesn't always work on me because I'm a very forgetful individual prone to making mistakes. But if what you're saying is right, that punishment isn't about trying to make you not do anything again, but instead is about making up for breaking the rules...then - then that means...I'm not a failure." His head moved up and his eyes widened.

"Fuck," Derek muttered. Fuck, how had he missed this? Shit. He turned to face Stiles completely. "Look at me, pet," he ordered quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt that way." He cupped Stiles' cheek in one hand. "You don't have to be perfect to be good, sweetheart. No matter how many mistakes you make, you're my good boy, and you aren't a failure. When I punish you, it isn't about teaching you to never make a mistake. It's about making up for them, so you can forget about them and know that you're good again. Do you understand me, sweetheart?"

Stiles turned his head and looked at Derek, tilting his face into Derek's hand softly and listening intently to his words, his eyes still widened. When Derek had finished explaining he smiled, and then nodded. "Yes. Yes I understand," he promised, putting his hand over Derek's on his cheek and squeezing it. "This is brilliant. I like this much more now," he said with a smile, reaching forward to hug Derek. "I feel a whole lot better. Wow." He leaned against Derek and glanced at Lydia. "What about not letting me talk as a punishment?" he suggested with a grin, snuggling into Derek.

Lydia watched the interaction curiously. It was fascinating, seeing the two of them shift in and out of the power dynamic, and the way it influenced their relationship. "Would being silenced feel like a punishment?" she asked, although knowing Stiles, it really would. "If I silenced you for, say, half an hour, would that feel sufficiently severe to make up for breaking one of your rules? Would that be too much?"

Stiles nodded. "Yeah. God knows how long it took for me to agree to let Derek gag me. Good thing he likes my noises and doesn't ask me to do it much." Stiles grinned and tilted his head up to kiss at the underside of Derek's jaw. He lowered his head and thought about it. "Yeah, no, that's perfect. Half an hour would be good for breaking a rule," he agreed.

Lydia nodded firmly, making a note. "That can be our standard punishment, then, if we need one, which I doubt. You seem like a very sweet sub."

"He is," Derek said, smiling. "If you need to punish him, make sure you let me know, but I'm happy for you to use your discretion with silencing him. It won't be too distressing."

"Good," she replied.

Lydia looked at the two of them, weighing the interaction between them all. "I wanted to ask: what are the rules about the collar? Would Stiles be wearing it if you weren't here?"

Stiles quickly looked at Derek, his hand going up to curl a finger in his collar and tug it gently. "Can I?" he asked quietly, suddenly afraid Derek wouldn't want him to wear it when Lydia was doming him. He chewed his lip. "It’s my reminder..." he said softly, curling his other hand into Derek's henley and tugging it gently, looking up at him again. "Please can I?" he whispered.

"Of course you can, pet," Derek reassured him. "You can wear your collar whenever you need to." He looked up at Lydia. "Stiles can wear the collar whenever he wants to, and sometimes I will tell him to wear it. It tells him that he's mine. As such, you get no say about it, although you're allowed to express concern if you think it's too tight."

"Of course," Lydia said, a little shocked by how uncertain Stiles had gotten, and how quickly. "I've, ah, noticed that you tug on it, both of you - as a reminder that it's there, I suppose. Would it be helpful or harmful for me to do the same? Stiles?"

Stiles let out a sigh of relief when Derek said he could wear it, laying his head on Derek's shoulder and breathing deeply, returning his gaze to Lydia. Ever since he'd dropped - and he'd thrown it out of the window - he'd been practically glued to it. It meant more to him now even than a wedding ring would have. When Lydia asked about the tugging he bit his lip: as always, he was hesitant to admit when he was uncomfortable with something, in case he disappointed someone...but as always he just took his own time to get ready to say it, because it was important that he told them what he was uncomfortable with. That was the trust that they put in him. He raised his eyes eventually and looked up at Lydia. "No...please," he said, being very polite about it and very quiet. "It's - it's only for Derek. And me. I...If I'm upset you could remind me to give it a tug, but please don't...touch it. I don't want anyone's scent on it but me and Derek...even though I know I'm not a wolf. It's like - it's like my wedding ring, I guess. You like showing it off to other people, you like it when they look at it and know what it means, but...you don't really want anyone else touching it." He hoped he hadn't upset her.

Derek swallowed hard, and had to put in serious effort not to visibly preen. He stroked a hand through Stiles' hair, silently approving.

Lydia was, once again, a little shocked - this time at how serious the two of them were. Not that the pack thought they weren't serious, but...she got the impression that their most loving moments fit into their BDSM, and were thus kept private from everyone else. Or at least, had been. "I'll remember," Lydia promised quietly. "I won't touch it."

Stiles sighed in relief, the easy, happy smile coming once more onto his face. "Thanks Lyds," he said softly, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Oh yeah, that reminds me. Derek lets me call him Alpha, or Sir, or Master. When we're doing a scene...what do you want me to call you?" he asked, relaxing into the touches in his hair, smiling dreamily.

She considered it. 'Mistress' was definitely too formal, and it claimed Stiles in a way she didn't have a right to. "Ma'am sounds odd, but it would be okay," she said, as she flicked through different options. "Would it be enough for you to simply call me 'Lydia' in a respectful way?" She didn't know how much Stiles would need to establish the power differentials he wanted.

Stiles fiddled with his fingers in his lap and nodded after a few moments. "Yeah, I think I can do that." He said with a smile. If things got confusing he'd go to ma'am. He wanted to suggest maybe a mix of the two, like Miss Lydia. Which was kind of cute.

Lydia had a feeling Stiles was being evasive, and when she looked at Derek, she was sure of it. "Stiles," she said firmly. "That's not the question I asked. I don't want to know what you can call me; I want to know what you would like to call me. I may be the one in charge, but this is for you."

Stiles chewed his bottom lip and ducked his head when she got all commanding and such and he picked at a loose thread on his pants. "Yeah, no, that - It's fine, I promise. I was just thinking, is all. I, uh..if ma'am was too, like, western and maybe sometimes I might get a little confused with Lydia, then I was thinking like Miss Lydia, but it like...doesn't matter. Like at all. Whatever you want me to call you, I'm fine with calling you that, I just need to know..." He shrugged.

This is what Stiles had meant about finding it hard to make choices when he was subby, Lydia realised. Not only that - he seemed to be second-guessing himself constantly. "I wouldn't have thought of it," she admitted, "but Miss Lydia sounds lovely. Thank you for the suggestion." It would help with the separation for him, she suspected, considering that she was only rarely going to be acting as his dom. "I'd like that very much."

Stiles relaxed a little when she said that she was fine with it. He wanted to make her happy after all. He wanted to make everyone happy. At least when he was like this. He was glad that she thought it was lovely and she thanked him for being honest and it reassured him. "Thank you," he said softly, smiling proudly up at Derek as if to say, 'hey look I had a good idea'.

Derek smiled back at him, playing with his hair some more. Overall, he was quite pleased with how this was going. Stiles obviously was treating Lydia as an authority, and she seemed to be good at catching when he was getting into a spiral and reassuring him appropriately. Derek gave her an approving look, and she nodded back seriously.

"What can I call you, Stiles?" she asked. "I've heard Derek call you pet, and sweetheart, and sweet boy...are those names just for you and him?"

Stiles looked back at Lydia again and had a think. After a little while he shook his head. "Nah, they're pretty standard names. Like I love them and all but I won't freak if you use them and you're not him. And, well, the best thing Derek calls me most times is ‘mine’, and you wouldn't do that because of the dynamic we have. Uh...I'm probably not gonna get stuck in a puppy petplay type of mood so I don't think you'll need to use pet. Or pup or whatever. And I'm pretty nonverbal then anyway, so if that does happen you'd need to use ignoring rather than silence. But like I said, probably don't go there. There's lots of other things. Sweetie. Sugar. All that affectionate stuff. Derek's favourite one is sweetheart but I'm not going to have a meltdown if you use it," he decided.

Lydia smiled. "Good. I'm sure you're very sweet, and I'd like to be able to tell you so."

"He's very sweet," Derek agreed. He looked down at Stiles. "And I think he'll be very sweet for you." He was feeling a lot better about this now - he'd thought it would help, but he hadn't been sure how it would work out. But this could be good. "Stiles? Do you have any questions or concerns?"

Stiles blushed and smiled, his chin lifting a little when they both told him he was sweet. He shook his head when Lydia asked if he had any more questions. "Nah, I think we can probably just start a little practice scene if you guys want. I don't know if you had anything in mind..." He glanced between them.

"I'd like to see how Lydia would look after you if I were away," Derek said, watching Stiles carefully. "If she came over for dinner to check on you, for example..."

Lydia raised an eyebrow. "I take it you won't be participating?" she asked Derek delicately.

"No," Derek answered firmly. "I'll answer your questions, if you have any, and I'll give you advice if I think you need it, but as far as Stiles is concerned, it will be like I'm not even here."

Stiles hummed and looked down. Pretending that Derek wasn't there was going to be hard. And that was an understatement. But they needed to do this. "Are we gonna pretend this is one of the times when I'm following the rules and making dinner like a good boy or is it one of the times when I forget?" he asked softly.

Lydia frowned. "I'd rather not punish you when you haven't done anything wrong...but maybe it would be better to have a safety net, so I can get a sense of what you'll need. Derek?"

It was a good point. Both of them were good points. He looked at Stiles. "Sweetheart?" he asked quietly. "I don't want to upset you unfairly. Will it be okay for Lydia to mock-punish you if I promise to give you a reward later?" He'd be extra-nice with the aftercare, too.

Stiles understood - what Lydia was saying made sense. He looked at Derek and smiled. He liked treats. He nodded and hugged Derek tightly. "Sure. I don't mind that at all. And I've always got the colour system," he pointed out, shrugging easily. "It's okay," he assured them both.

"Alright," Derek said, straightening his posture slightly. "Lydia and I are going to leave the room. When we come back, as far as you are concerned, I will not be here. You are to ignore me entirely until I address you directly." He kissed Stiles on the forehead and tugged his collar reassuringly. "Be a good boy for Lydia. I love you." He stood, and gestured for Lydia to follow him out.

Stiles swallowed, nodding. "Yes, sir," he said, taking a breath when Derek tugged his collar and watching him go, chewing his lip. He sighed and reached over to turn the TV on, acting as he would normally and curling up on his side, switching listlessly through the channels as he tried to get it into his head that they were in a scene now, and in the scene, Derek was gone, and Stiles missed him. He sniffled. He did miss Derek. A lot.

"From now on," Derek said quietly to Lydia once they were out of sight, "this is your show. I won't intervene directly unless something is seriously wrong, and I don't think that will happen. You're a natural at this; we trust you."

Lydia nodded slightly, hiding her nervousness. Because she was nervous. This was different to bossing someone around. This was taking responsibility for Stiles' wellbeing. _Well_ , she said to herself. _You survived Peter Hale. You can do this_. She straightened her back, and strode back into the living room. "Hey sweetie," she called. "How are you doing?"

Stiles glanced up, seeing Lydia. He smiled slightly then looked back towards the TV. "Hey Lyds," he mumbled, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest. "Alright. I'm fine. Derek's still gone. Which ya know...kinda sucks," he muttered, turning over onto his front and pressing his face into the pillow. He'd already forgotten about dinner, and about what time it even was.

Wow. Stiles was...either he was an extremely good actor, or he was very, very good at convincing himself of things. Then again, Lydia thought, he and Derek had clearly been kinky for a while. Surely they'd done roleplay before. But that wasn't important right now. Lydia came over to the couch, putting a hand on Stiles shoulder. "Stiles, honey," she said firmly, "have you eaten today?"

Stiles shrugged a little. "Probably. I don't know. I think I had some toast this morning or something," he mumbled, reaching over and fiddling with the controls again, settling on a murder mystery and not really responding to the touches Lydia was giving him. He was really good at delving into an imaginary world.

Lydia, frustrated, put herself between Stiles and the television. She could tell she wasn't getting through, but she didn't know how to break through this...apathy.

"Put a hand in his hair," Derek murmured from where he was watching, out of Stiles' sight. It wasn't easy to see. He was completely certain that Stiles wasn't acting unusually at all for when Derek was away. Derek had never realised how much it affected him.

Lydia shot Derek a grateful glance and threaded her fingers into Stiles' hair, tugging lightly so that he was looking at her. "Stiles," she said firmly. "You have to eat. You promised Derek."

Stiles' eyes closed halfway when Lydia threaded her fingers into his hair, letting her turn his head up to look at her. He blinked a few times and listened to her. "Yeah...I will. Later. M'not hungry," he mumbled, nuzzling into her hand a little and closing his eyes properly. "Had some toast earlier. Not hungry..." he repeated.

"No, sweetie," Lydia replied. "It's dinner time, and you're going to have dinner. It doesn't have to be much," she conceded, "but you're going to eat. Up." She gave his hair a tug. "If you're tired, you can go to bed afterwards, but right now, you're eating."

Stiles frowned. Hair was supposed to be a comfort thing, not this kind of thing. He pushed himself up onto his knees and climbed over the back of the couch, slumping his way to the kitchen and yanking the fridge open, grabbing a can of energy drink and then going to the pantry and grabbing himself a chocolate bar. Sugar always helped.

Lydia looked at Derek, asking quietly, "Is that sort of food going to help? Should I let him?"

Derek shook his head. "Chocolate can help, but the energy drink really doesn't. Juice or soda is better. And he needs something solid."

Lydia closed her eyes, thinking. For all she was trying to dom Stiles right now, he wasn't subbing for her, and she needed to fix that if she was going to get anywhere. "Stiles!" she snapped. "Put that back!"

Stiles jumped when Lydia snapped at him, turning his head to look at her with slightly widened eyes. He swallowed and then slowly reached out to put the drink and the chocolate back in the pantry, forgetting that the drink went in the fridge. He stepped slowly away from the fridge and kept staring at Lydia carefully, hands kept firmly down at his sides.

"That's better," she said, a little more gently. "Stiles, tell me: what are your rules?"

Derek gave her an approving nod. Getting Stiles to remind himself how he should behave was usually far more effective than just telling him. And she'd managed to get Stiles' whole attention, too.

Stiles kept looking at her and chewed his lip, his hands curling around the hem of his shirt. "Uh..." He frowned, trying to remember. "Take my meds...Get enough sleep. Call Derek - call...sir, when I have a panic attack. Tell him I love him. And eat regularly," he said, rubbing his arm and looking down at his feet.

Lydia nodded. "Good. And have you been doing all those things today?" she asked pointedly.

Stiles wrapped his arms around himself. "No," he admitted, sighing. "No I haven't. I broke the rules," he said, rubbing his face with his hands.

"I'm here to help you," Lydia said, appealing to him. "To help you follow your rules, and to make up for it when you break them, and to make sure you know you're Derek's good boy even when he's not here." She hardened her tone, trying to make it clear that she was an authority. "Will you let me do that, Stiles?"

In the background, Derek smiled. That was _exactly_ why Lydia was here.

Stiles looked down and toed his socks on the floor, frowning and trying not to pout. Lydia was making sense, she was making sense and she was being firm and Stiles remembered the pack day. "I did promise to let you take care of me," he conceded, slumping back against the pantry and raising his head. "Yeah. I'll let you," he said quietly. "I just miss.. miss him." He swallowed, rubbing his arm.

Lydia opened her arms and drew him into a hug. "I know, sweetie," she murmured. "I know you do. But he'll be home as soon as he can, and in the meantime, you have to look after yourself for him, okay? We're all right here to help you. You don't even have to ask."

Stiles hugged her back, "Thank you," he said quietly, before pulling back and sighing. "I'm ready for my punishment now. For breaking the rules." He held his hands behind his back and looked down at his feet again. It would also distract Lydia from making him eat.

She pursed her lips. "We have to fix the problem first." From what she'd read of BDSM - and she had read up after the pack meeting where Derek and Stiles had asked for help - the whole point of a punishment was that the issue was over and done with. That couldn't happen until Stiles had eaten. "Are you hungry at all?"

Well, shit, that plan had backfired. "I.. guess," he said, shrugging. "A little. I can do - I can make noodles? We have a couple of cup noodles," Stiles suggested, pushing himself off of the pantry. He wasn't really in subspace, he was just...not fighting her anymore. Which was something at least. "I hope we have a chicken one left. They come in packs of three. One beef, one chicken and one oriental. I don't like the beef ones so they always get stocked up till Derek uses them for something, I don't know," he mumbled.

Lydia glanced at Derek, checking. "It's not ideal," he murmured. "I'd prefer he ate something healthier."

She hummed. "If you're going to have noodles, you should add some vegetables and an egg to them," she decided, "and eat some fruit afterwards." That would give him some actual protein, for a start. "If there's something else you want, we can talk about that as well."

Stiles frowned and shoved the noodles back into the pantry. "I don't even like egg," he grumbled, walking back to the living room and flopping over and down onto the couch. "I'm not _hungry,_ Lydia!" he cried, his voice muffled by the pillow. He was inches away from starting a tantrum. He just missed Derek so _bad_.

Lydia followed him, standing over him with her arms crossed. "Stiles, you're being a brat," she said sharply. "You can feel your collar, can't you? That says that you're Derek's good boy, but you are not being a good boy right now. If you don't like egg, you don't have to eat it, but you will have a halfway decent meal tonight, and cup noodles do not count."

Stiles huffed, his hand creeping up to his neck and one finger wrapping around his collar. He was Derek's good boy. He remembered what Derek had said, barely ten minutes ago but in his mind it was longer. "Be a good boy for Lydia, I love you," he had said, and Stiles was letting him down. He tugged his collar again and his shoulders seemed to slump. He moved slowly and sat up, staring at Lydia's knees. "I'm sorry, Miss Lydia," he whispered.

Derek sighed in relief. They were over the hardest bit.

"That's better," Lydia said approvingly. For the first time since they started the scene, she had the feeling Stiles was listening to her in a more than begrudging way. The title sounded strange coming from Stiles - strange to hear at all, really. Still, she tried to project confidence, even as she softened her voice to make it more encouraging. "Now, I know you know how to be a good boy, and I know that you want to follow the rules, so we're going to go back to the kitchen and choose some food for you to eat."

Stiles nodded and slowly rose from the couch, following Lydia and walking around it this time instead of jumping over it. He reached up every few seconds just to brush his fingers against his collar, until he stood in the kitchen, looking down, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He'd eat whatever Lydia wanted him to. Fuck it. He didn’t care. He missed Derek. He wanted Lydia to - to take his mind off of it. Get him to do something. Punish him. Anything. Give him anything to do so that he didn't have to think about how his love was so far away. But he didn't know how to ask. God, this was really difficult. He'd just do as he was told to make Derek proud when he came back. Yeah, that'd do it.

Derek frowned. Lydia probably didn't know Stiles well enough to realise how upset he was at the moment. It looked like he was just being submissive, but he wasn't...at ease. He needed her to catch him. Derek came up behind her, and said quietly, "Stiles needs reassurance right now, and direction. Give him something to do that he can do well."

Lydia nodded slightly, considering. "Get yourself a glass of juice from the fridge, honey, and drink it slowly," she ordered at last. He would probably benefit from the sugar and the hydration, and it would give her some time to consider the contents of the fridge and pantry.

Stiles blinked a little when Lydia spoke, wondering how she'd known that he needed to feel useful and worth something right now. His first bullet point from the discussion about what he needs when he was going through different things. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he went over to the fridge to complete the task. Maybe Lydia did know what she was doing after all. "Um...whenever Derek goes away he leaves me a couple of leftovers in the freezer, and he leaves me a post it note with instructions on how long to microwave it for and stuff….I think there's some lasagna in there if you want to go halfsies?" He offered quietly, hoping that him being useful and helpful would make her happy.

"That sounds lovely, sweetie," Lydia said, smiling at him. "I'll get that started while you drink your juice, and then you can set the table for us." She made a mental note to keep Stiles busy. Obviously he needed it.

Stiles relaxed a little more and smiled a little wider, sipping his juice slowly and wrinkling his nose at the pulpy bit in the bottom which he washed down the drain. Why Derek insisted on buying organic orange juice he would never understand. Then he got two sets of cutlery out and filled up his cup with soda, getting Lydia a glass too and putting them at the table, making sure that they were symmetrical before going back to the kitchen and getting two plates out.

The microwave pinged and Lydia carefully removed the hot dish, serving a third of the lasagne onto each plate. The rest she left for Derek, figuring that even if he wasn't 'here' right now, he needed to eat too. "Here you are, sweetie," she said, giving one of the plates to Stiles. "Let's go eat."

Derek appreciated Lydia's thoughtfulness, and quietly got out his own plate and cutlery. It had been a long time since lunch. There was something surreal, he found, about his invisibility. With the way Stiles and, for the most part, Lydia were ignoring him, he felt like a ghost in his own home.

Stiles was convincing himself that every time he saw Derek he was just imagining things because he missed the man so much. He took his plate and walked over to sit at the table, picking at his food apathetically, but still eating it like he was supposed to. "Lydia, am I good?" he asked suddenly, looking over at her. "Really...do you think I make Derek happy? Honestly." He leant on his hand and watched her closely.

Derek swallowed hard, heart in his throat. He hated how insecure Stiles was sometimes.

Lydia thought about it for a moment before she answered, taking another bite and chewing slowly. "It took me - it took all of us, I think - a long time to understand Derek," she said at last. "He's been through so much, and he keeps a lot hidden because of that. But since the two of you got together...he's been more open. He smiles more. And with the way he looks at you, there's no way that's because of anything but you. You're good, Stiles - a good boy, good to him, and good _for_ him. We're all glad you two have each other."

Stiles listened to her, because he knew that Lydia would never say something that wasn't the truth. He trusted Lydia to be honest with him. Scott, he trusted to tell him what he needed to hear and to coddle him when he wanted that. But Lydia he trusted to tell him the truth. When she had finished speaking he smiled, properly smiled. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I love him so much." He started to eat properly this time rather than just picking at his food, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He was good. His body glowed with pride as he repeated the words to himself.

Oh. The difference in Stiles was astonishing. _This_ , Lydia realised in that moment, was why Stiles submitted. Because even though it brought his insecurities to the surface, when he was like this Derek (and in this case Lydia) could wipe them away with praise. She didn't think she'd ever seen Stiles so simply...happy.

Stiles finished his plate and his juice and waited politely for Lydia to finish. "Thank you for my dinner, please may I get down?" he asked politely, folding his hands in his lap and watching her expectantly. "I can do the dishes?" he offered, hoping to prolong the time spent before his punishment.

"That would be wonderful, honey," Lydia replied, smiling. "You're being very helpful and polite." She stood up with him, and together they went into the kitchen to wash what dishes there were, which weren't many.

When they were done, she said quietly. "We do need to talk about your punishment, Stiles."

Stiles sighed, and wiped his hands on the dishcloth, leaning back against the counter and looking over at her. "Yeah...I know," he replied. "But like you said, it’s - it’s so that I can make up for breaking the rules, so it's okay," he said quietly, twisting his fingers together a little as he waited for her to tell him what the punishment was.

"That's right, sweetie," she confirmed. "Once it's done, you'll be Derek's good boy again and it will all be forgiven. Now..." She hummed, thinking. "For forgetting to eat, and for being rude, I'd like you to be silent for half an hour. Do you want a gag, or will you keep silent for me all by yourself? Do you have any other questions?"

Stiles ran a hand through his hair and tugged his collar on the way back down before nodding. "I can do it by myself," he said, "My questions are: what happens if I do accidentally talk? And...do you have a timer?" He smiled slightly to show he wasn't nervous or anything.

"If you accidentally talk, you get an extra minute for every word," Lydia decided. She pulled her phone out, and set a timer, showing it to Stiles. "Thank you for reminding me, sweetie," she praised. "Let's go sit on the sofa where it's comfortable, and I'll put this on the coffee table so you can see. Alright?"

Derek quite liked the extra minute rule, actually. It would only punish Stiles a little if he managed to catch himself, but if he forgot entirely, it would extend his punishment quite a bit. As Lydia and Stiles got settled on the couch, Derek moved to a spot where he could see them, but was out of Stiles' view.

Stiles nodded and watched her start the timer, pressing his lips together once it had begun, just to remind himself for the first few minutes till he got used to it. He followed Lydia to the couch and sat, then lay down, starting to flick through the channels again. When he found Doctor Who he looked excited and turned to Lydia, opening his mouth. Then he paused, putting his hand over his mouth and turning back to the TV, slumping down with his arms across his chest.

Lydia didn't want to punish Stiles with anything other than _his_ silence, so she sat close enough for their shoulders and thighs to touch, and when Stiles picked a show, she commented, "Oh, good choice! Although it always amuses me that Doctor Who is considered science fiction when it's clearly fantasy." She didn't exactly keep up a running commentary, but she did talk.

Stiles hated not being allowed to talk. His best times spent with Lydia were when they could debate anything and everything, it was great. He wouldn't have minded listening to her, but the things she said that he didn't agree with when he couldn't even argue were infuriating. He ended up upside down on the sofa with his head hanging down as he watched, muttering under his breath occasionally so that Lydia couldn't hear him.

Derek was torn. On the one hand, Stiles' (very) quiet muttering - it was barely audible even to _him_ \- was against the letter of Lydia's punishment. On the other hand, it was really, really funny. Stiles had _opinions_ about Doctor Who, apparently, and they did not match Lydia's.

It was in one of the ad breaks that Lydia turned to Stiles and commented, "You know, you always used to remind me of one of the Doctor's companions. You followed Scott into a whole new part of the universe when he found out about the supernatural, and you just kept on refusing to stay behind."

Stiles' eyes blinked wide open and he pushed himself to sit up, muting the episode and looking intently at Lydia. This was very serious...he took Doctor Who very seriously. And depending on which character Lydia compared him to, he was going to get _very_ offended. And for fuck’s sake...it was always that he was Scott's sidekick, wasn’t it? Literally always. Never once had _he_ been the Doctor. He was always just a companion. But still...depending on which companion, he might be persuaded to be okay with it. The other part he wanted her to explain was how she said that he _used_ to remind her. Meaning he didn’t anymore. He tilted his head to the side, prompting her to elaborate, trying to look interested and curious and nothing more.

Lydia noticed Stiles' curious look. "Oh, it's just that...you were always together, you know? A pair. Not that you had a romantic subplot like Martha or Rose - more like Donna, I suppose - but...I always knew that if there was trouble, the two of you would be right in the middle of it, trying to save everyone. It's not like that anymore - there's the whole pack now - and, well...it's not you and Scott anymore."

Stiles beamed when she said Donna. Donna was his favourite. Donna and Ten had been the ultimate brotp of all time. But as Lydia kept talking...Stiles turned back to the TV, looking at Eleven, Amy, and Rory running about trying to save the world. Donna wasn't there anymore...And Donna...well, she'd gotten perhaps the worst fate of any of them. She was all alone, not by her own choice. Because in saving the Doctor she'd damaged herself so much that - that the wonderful world, the amazing - the entire _universe_ had been taken away from her. Stiles stared at the screen. Scott had Allison and Isaac now. Just like the Doctor had Amy and Rory now. And there was the whole pack now - it wasn’t him and Scott anymore. And Stiles...he was just human. He wasn't a banshee like Lydia, he wasn't even a hunter like Allison. He was just...human. He didn't even belong in the pack. He didn't belong anywhere. He was just dragging them down, and one day when he was trying to save them he was going to damage himself too badly and they were going to take this amazing, wonderful world away from him, and he was going to be all alone.

Derek didn't know what was wrong, but he knew that _something_ was. By this point he was so accustomed to checking on Stiles' wellbeing that it was a mostly subconscious process - he couldn't even say _why_ he knew Stiles was upset without thinking about it more, and right now, he wasn't interested. Stiles was upset. And he had a feeling it wasn't a passing thing.

Stiles seemed a bit subdued, but Lydia wasn't sure if she should pay attention or ignore it. Maybe he was just thinking about what she was saying. Maybe he was unhappy about being punished.

Stiles wanted to say something. He wanted - he needed to talk but he couldn't talk because that was the punishment and if he started he might not be able to stop. It suddenly became a slightly irrational thought process. If he started talking he might not be able to stop until finally he ran out of breath but by that point he might have said so many words that the minutes that would be added to the time would all add up and he would never be able to speak again. He blinked, rubbing his hands on his knees ten times before standing up. He couldn't talk. He couldn't talk otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop but he felt really bad right now but if he talked he might never get to talk again. He walked over to the nearest doorway and stood underneath it, tapping either side, before moving to the next doorway, tapping either side - he did this with all of the doorways before pacing the length of the room four times and stopping behind the couch. Of course he had a nonverbal signal for when things weren't right, but he didn't know if Lydia knew it. He held up a hand and made a fist, then uncurled first one, then another finger. One finger was good, two fingers was problem, three fingers was stop immediately.

Lydia was watching Stiles, worried and confused, when Derek practically ran to her. "That's yellow," he said urgently. "Two fingers is yellow." Derek was internally cursing himself for not going over the non-verbal signals if _silence_ was going to be a punishment, what was he, an idiot?

"You have permission to speak," Lydia said immediately, pausing the timer. There were only about five minutes left, actually, but she wanted a record. "Tell me what's wrong."

Stiles immediately drew in a deep breath, as if the block of words had actually been blocking his ability to speak. "Donna was just a human. Just an ordinary human. And she got this amazing world of magic and the whole universe and everything was amazing and she for once - for one moment actually felt _special_ right at the end, but she never believed she was good enough till right at the end but because she was saving the doctor and she got hurt they _took_ it from her," he gasped, starting to pace back and forth again.

“They took it from her and she was _alone_ ,” he went on. “She couldn't remember and even her grandad had secrets from her and he was the one person she could depend on and trust so she was alone and she couldn't even remember all the magic and the whole universe because they _took_ it from her because she was just a human and she wasn’t _enough_ and she wasn't good enough and she was just a burden and they just left her behind and - and Scott didn't want her anymore and - and he just forgot and now!" He gestured at the screen wildly. "Now he's got Allison and Rory and, and, and he doesn't even need me anymore and - and it's not Scott and Donna and it's just - it's just everyone and then, and then me and I'm just..." He swallowed, wrapping his arms around himself, then ran his hands agitatedly through his hair. "Scott doesn’t - doesn’t need...me, anymore," he mumbled. "He has Amy and Isaac...and he's just forgotten all about Donna...and I'm gonna be all alone. I'm gonna end up all alone and I won't remember the magic," he whispered.

Derek clenched his fists, trying desperately to hold himself back. Stiles _needed_ him. But...the whole point was that sometimes Stiles would need him and he wouldn't be there. He needed to know Lydia could do this. _Lydia_ needed to know Lydia could do this. " _Help him_ ," was all Derek let himself say before biting his lip to keep the words back and retreating again.

Lydia hated, _hated_ making mistakes, and apparently she'd just made an epic one. She stood, frozen, as Stiles' tide of words washed over her, until Derek's plea startled her into moving. She crossed the living room floor and wrapped her arms around Stiles. "It's okay, sweetie," she said, searching frantically for the right words. "You aren't Donna. It isn't going to happen that way for you, I promise. The pack will never abandon you. Remember Wednesday? Everyone there, _everyone_ , offered to help you as soon as you asked."

Stiles wasn't happy that he'd been stopped in his pacing, but Lydia was hugging him and he allowed himself to find some comfort there for a moment before pulling back a little and taking the hem of her shirt between his fingers, starting to twist it compulsively around each finger. "The thing," he swallowed, taking a deep breath. "The thing is - is that..." He licked his lips. "I know...that I'm happy most of the time, and I'm always laughing and making jokes and making sure everyone else is okay and taking care of everyone else and throwing myself head first into fights and researching till the ass crack of dawn and trying to be useful and ignoring my own problems till they go away...but - but really..." He frowned, not sure he even wanted to say it. "It’s that...I'm scared...that if I don’t - if I don't keep up, then I'm going to be left behind," he whispered. "See, before all this happened, all I had was Scott. It's only since he got dragged into this world that I'm here too. I make Derek happy, so that makes people happy. I helped Scott become part of Derek's pack, so the pack became stronger, so people are happy. Everyone offered to help because...it was important to Derek. I'm in the pack because - because of Scott. Not me. It..." He bit his lip so hard he made it bleed. "It's never me. And that sounds so damn selfish and I'm so sorry for saying it but it just - it isn't. I'm just - I'm just something you get on the side, and it's nice because it's there, but if it wasn't there...nothing would be much different. Sometimes I think that if I never existed...nothing would be different. Everything might even be...better," he whispered.

"I mean, think about it. If Scott hadn't been bitten. We wouldn't be friends. I wouldn't be friends with anyone in the pack. Scott would have left me for Allison regardless of whether he was a werewolf or not, and he wouldn't have needed my help to control himself so he wouldn't even need me. I'd never have met Derek. I'd be alone. If it wasn’t for Scott getting bitten, I would be completely alone. I am only happy, because I ruined my best friend's life - sure, it’s better now, but that's how it started. I nearly got my best friend killed, that's the reason I'm happy. And every day I feel _awful_ about that...and - and one day he's going to realise it and everyone's suddenly going to realise that no one actually _needs_ me around. Even Derek. Derek deserves better. He deserves someone who isn’t insecure. Who won’t panic when he leaves. Who doesn't have panic attacks and anxiety and paranoia and adhd...god, I'm actually insane. I should be locked up," he whimpered.

Lydia reached up a hand to stroke his hair, hoping Stiles would find it comforting right now. "You aren't insane, Stiles," she assured him. "You don't need to be locked up. You have mental health issues which you are dealing with, and you aren't even close to the only person who does. If Derek deserves something good, then he deserves the person he wants." She looked into his eyes. "And that's you, sweetie. That collar you're wearing, that's proof that Derek wants you. That he needs you in his life enough to make a claim on you."

Stiles let out a tiny sigh of relief when Lydia began to stroke his hair, lowering his head to rest it on her shoulder. What she said about Derek made sense. Stiles thought that Derek deserved better than him, but Derek was his own man. He was perfectly capable of making his own decisions and he had chosen Stiles. That made Stiles feel lucky, of course. His hand came up once more to tug on his collar and he nodded a little. "Derek doesn't know about this," he said softly. "But...I've started this thing. It's like a list. I wrote a list of things that I need to do each day to work on some of my issues. Because...you know. I know that it's okay for me to be like this right now, because there's a lot of stuff going on in our lives, and we're still developing, even. But I don't want to be like this forever. Obviously I want to be Derek's forever, but I don't want to have the - the issues. Forever. So I do research and I make little lists of things that are supposed to help and on good days I try and do as many of them as possible," he said softly. "I'm gonna surprise him when I go a whole week doing all the things on the list every day. Might take me a while, though..."

Derek felt like he was seriously intruding. Stiles had essentially made himself forget that Derek was there, and now he was talking about a secret he didn't want Derek to know about yet. He couldn't leave. He was their safety net for the scene. But he would have to talk to Stiles about this later.

Stroking Stiles' hair seemed to help, so Lydia kept doing it. "That sounds really great, Stiles," she said quietly. "I'm sure he'll be very proud of you. _I'm_ proud of you, right now." She'd known about the panic attacks, but she'd never really put together how much Stiles was dealing with, and honestly, she was in awe at how well he coped if all this stuff was in his head. "You and the pack...you need to know that, as far as I'm concerned, you're not an optional extra. You and Scott, you and Derek, you and the pack...they're all symbiotic relationships. Or at least, I hope they are. I hope we're doing as much for you as you do for us. Because you do so much for us. You aren't disposable. Or forgettable. You brought the pack together, made it what it is today. You've saved each and every one of our lives. You do more for the pack than anyone else, and we're so, so lucky that you're our friend."

Eventually Stiles relaxed enough that he allowed himself to wrap his arms around Lydia and hug her back, sighing deeply. "Thank you Lydia," he said softly after a few moments. “I love all of you, so much...even Jackson. And I am so lucky to have you in my life. I'm so lucky to have a life where I can have so many friends and people that care...and when I was standing there and you all offered to help me it made me feel so amazing...the total lack of judgement - the only hesitations were from Scott and Isaac who were concerned about my wellbeing. I love you all so much. And I'm always going to save you guys. Always." He took a few deep breaths and when he'd calmed down enough he pulled back, smiling softly. "I can finish off my punishment now. I'm back on track...and then the slate is clean, and we can finish up...and we can move on," he said, licking over his bottom lip. He wouldn't be able to get out of the scene till he'd completed the set punishment anyway. Plus it wasn't for very much longer. Hopefully he could just lay in Lydia's lap and have her stroke his hair for five minutes.

"You're sure you're okay, sweetie?" Lydia asked gently. He'd been so upset - she'd _never_ seen him like that. But he nodded, so she let go of him and sat back down on the couch, patting the seat next to her. "Come on, honey, I want to stroke your hair some more." It seemed to be more soothing for Stiles than anything else, and she was planning to make a note of it when they were done. "You have...five minutes and forty-three seconds of silence to go, okay? I'm starting the timer...now."

Stiles nodded, walking over and sitting down beside her, getting a cushion and placing it in her lap before laying down on it and curling up on the sofa. He didn't want to watch Doctor Who anymore, so he flipped it over to the food channel where they were making cakes. Stiles was terrible at cooking, but he did enjoy baking. He hadn't done it in a while though. He'd left his mother's recipe book in the kitchen at his dad's and he always forgot to ask for it when he went to see him. He found it quite easy to stay quiet now, having let all of his explosive thoughts out, relieving some of the pressure in his head. After the high emotions, he was quite ready to have a nap, to be honest, but he rather thought that'd be cheating, so he stayed awake and listened to the bake off while Lydia petted his hair.

Derek ignored the TV to watch Stiles and Lydia, hearing Stiles' heartbeat slow back to normal - slower than normal, even. From the scent and sound and look of him, Stiles had pretty much regained his equilibrium, which was a huge relief. The last little while had been...intense. Honestly, Derek was going to need some aftercare when they were done.

After a quiet few minutes, the timer went off, and Lydia leaned across Stiles to retrieve her phone and turn off the alarm. "All done, sweetie," she said quietly. "You're forgiven."

Stiles grinned when the timer went off. "Clean slate," was the first thing he said, sitting up and stretching a little. "That wasn't so bad," he decided. Of course it had been a little bit bad in the middle there, but the punishment itself hadn't been that bad at all. "Is that the end of the scene?" he asked then, bringing his legs up to his chest and looking at Lydia with a calm sort of happy, trusting expression. "Thank you, Lydia. I feel quite good now. I think that was good. I feel a lot less..." he made whirlwind motions with his hands, "...now," he finished.

"I'm glad I can help," Lydia replied. "And I'm glad you're feeling better. One more thing..." she glanced at Derek over Stiles' shoulder, her smile turning mischievous. "I'm supposed to remind you that you're allowed to call Derek whenever you want to tell him you love him."

Derek rolled his eyes at her, but couldn't help but smile.

Stiles' eyes widened. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, patting his pockets for his phone and getting it out. "I'm gonna call him right now..." he mumbled. Derek was on speed dial, so he just hit the button and held the phone up to his ear, resting his chin on his knees and waiting.

Derek was really, really glad his phone was on silent. He hurried into the bedroom, because this was _not_ how he wanted to break the illusion, and answered. "Hi Stiles."

Lydia, meanwhile, was finding this whole thing adorable.

Stiles closed his eyes when he heard Derek's voice. "I miss you!" he blurted out instantly, biting his lip afterwards. Oops. That was a little bit too eager all at once. Ah, who cared? Derek already knew he missed him. "Hi," he said after a moment, smiling, and, "I love you," followed almost immediately after, just because he knew Derek would say it back.

"I love you," Derek said, smiling. Somehow it wasn't a lie when he said, "I miss you, too. How are you?"

"I'm good. I forgot to eat and so Lydia was here and she helped, and I was a bit of a brat at first, but we ate the lasagna you left me, and then we watched tv while I wasn't allowed to talk. We had a break though, because I was kind of upset, but Lydia talked me through it really well, and then we finished up the punishment because I was okay and now we're all done. Lydia's good at this," he said seriously, then looked up at Lydia and flashed her a smile.

Lydia smiled back at him. It was very reassuring to hear that, apparently, she'd done well at talking Stiles through his worry.

This was so _strange_. "That's good to hear," Derek answered. "I'm proud of you for being good and letting her help." And somewhat concerned that everything that just happened got hand-waved away as 'kind of upset'.

"I don't want you to worry or anything. I'm fine now," Stiles assured him, hearing the weird edge to Derek's voice. "I remembered what you said, to be a good boy for Lydia and that you loved me. So I did, it just took me a little while to remember. I'll talk to you more about it when you get back, but the most important thing is that apparently we're good for each other, and you’re happy. So I'm happy. And apparently also something about symbiotic relationships...but anyway. I can't wait for you to get back - and I love you," he said softly, playing with the material of his pants.

"I love you," Derek answered. "I'll be back soon." Sometime in the next ten minutes, probably. He was starting to feel really, really bad about the roleplay. It was too real. It felt like he was lying to Stiles. Which he was. But Stiles wasn't lying. He wasn't being a character. "I love you," he said again, softer.

Lydia was fascinated, hearing what Stiles had taken away from their conversation. He seemed to have more or less forgotten all the bits where Lydia told him how important he was, and how the pack loved him and needed him. Or maybe he just wasn't mentioning it right now.

"I love you too. Come home soon," Stiles mumbled, before hanging up the phone. He looked at Lydia for a second. "That wasn't too intense...so give me about...five minutes." He slowly moved to lie flat on the sofa. He hadn't actually gotten that far into subspace, so it wasn't going to be that hard to come back. And it wasn't as dangerous. He just put an arm over his face and focused on breathing deeply and letting his head clear, then slowly fill back up. It was somewhere between five and ten minutes later when he opened his mouth. "Derek!" he called. "Cuddles!" followed immediately, in a rather demanding voice. He had remembered that Derek wasn't actually gone, and now that it had helped him right himself and feel good again, they all needed some aftercare. Stiles knew that they'd need to discuss the scene, but they could do two things at once and he had missed Derek a lot, so he needed him there..effective immediately.

Derek couldn't help but laugh. 'Coming!" he yelled back. He came out to the living room to find Stiles on his back on the sofa, and Lydia coming back from the kitchen with a cup of soda and a few bars of chocolate. He nodded approvingly - "Good thinking" - then turned back to Stiles. "Move up, would you?" he asked. "You can sit on my lap, but we need to make room for Lydia." After all, it was her scene, too.

Stiles heard Derek's voice in the room and he let his arm slip down from his head, opening his eyes slowly and looking up at him for a moment. He moved, standing up on the sofa and running over to fling himself into his werewolf (and therefore capable of withstanding Stilinski Gale Force Hugs) boyfriend's arms, wrapping his own arms around his shoulders and his legs around his waist. "Missed you," he mumbled, nuzzling his face into Derek's neck. "Even though you were here the whole time apparently. God, that was weird..." he muttered, still trying to reconcile the two completely different memories of the event in his head. He shuffled around when Derek sat down and unwrapped from around him, curling up against his chest and letting his head rest on Derek's shoulder. "Thanks Lyds," he mumbled, taking one of the chocolate bars and unwrapping it, shoving some in his mouth.

"Sit," Derek said, tilting his head towards the couch seat next to them. "Aftercare is important for everyone." He'd dropped badly once, the third time Stiles asked for pain. He was more careful after that.

Lydia watched the two of them wrapped up in each other, noticing once again how easily they shifted between headspaces. She sat, not really knowing what to text. Derek seemed to be taking care of Stiles, for the most part. But...praise was important, from what she'd read. Letting the sub know they'd done well. She licked her lips uncertainly. "Thank you, Stiles, for trusting me with all that," she said slowly. "You let yourself be...vulnerable with me, and I'm really glad you felt you could rely on me to look after you."

Stiles hummed, looking at the situation critically. He then motioned for Lydia to sit right next to them, and put his legs over her lap, picking up one of Derek's arms and wrapping it around her shoulders, focusing very intently on getting the right position for maximum cuddle effect. He made sure Derek's other arm was around his shoulders, and then slid Lydia's arm around Derek's back, to curl into his side, then he clasped Lydia's other hand, and finally with his free hand held the hand of Derek's that was around his shoulder.

"Perfect," Stiles said eventually, smiling at them both, kissing Lydia on the cheek, and Derek on the lips. "Thank you, Lydia...you took care of me really well, and you responded to my actions quickly and methodically, with thoughts towards both my physical being and my emotional and mental state. It was a bit rocky, but then, for your first time doing something like this, there was bound to be a hiccup, and you showed you could work very well under pressure and deal with an overly emotional slight trainwreck - but in a cute way," he said with a slight wink. Then he looked at Derek, "And I know how hard it was for you to stay out of it, because when you saw me get upset...I know that hurt you, I know it always hurts you when I'm upset...and I'm really proud of you for doing what needed to be done and letting, trusting...Lydia to handle it. And thank you both for being so wonderful and working so hard to take such great care of me," he said, squeezing their hands. He knew Derek was going to want to just reassure the hell out of himself that Stiles was _okay_ and _happy_ and _safe_ and all that wolfy stuff, and he didn't know what Lydia needed to do but he knew that she would ask them once she figured it out.

Derek nuzzled into Stiles' neck a little, taking in all the scents that told him Stiles was doing okay. "Thank you from me as well," he told Lydia, muffled a little because of how he was sitting. "That was...hard, for me to watch, but you did a fantastic job. What Stiles said." He still found it a little amusing when Stiles made the shift from emotional vulnerability to intellectual analysis as he changed headspaces.

Lydia found herself relaxing tension in her shoulders she hadn't known was there. It was a relief to hear Stiles _himself_ again - at least, being the Stiles she knew - and it was even more of a relief to hear that, even when she'd upset him so much in the middle of it all, she still hadn't done a bad job.

Stiles hummed approvingly at the release of some of their tension when he showed them both he was okay, in each little way that would mean the most to them. He was pretty damn good at making other people feel okay again, if he did say so himself, and he did...say so. Himself. "And as a last point, I will be preparing a list of all the opinions you expressed during our episode of watching Doctor Who that I didn't agree with but couldn't argue with because of my forced silence - and I warn you, there may be a powerpoint presentation." He smiled brightly, then yawned, relaxing against Derek. "You guys got anything you need to say for debriefing or can we just relax and cuddle for a bit now?" he asked softly.

Just relaxing sounded very appealing, but..."We really do need to talk a little about when you...safeworded," Derek admitted. "Could you tell us what was going on for you there?"

Lydia gave him a grateful look. "And if there's anything I could have done differently to prevent you getting upset in the first place," she added.

Stiles winced a little. "Alright...but it's going to sound stupid. So...reserve judgement upon me for after I finish explaining," he mumbled, closing his eyes. "I take things like...Doctor Who, and Star Wars, etc...very seriously. Because it's like - when I used to be really lonely, these things, these shows and movies and so on, were always there, and I could like...lose myself in them, escape reality a bit for a while. So I've always found that I can identify strongly with characters to some extent. So when the comparison came to myself and Donna, at first I was ecstatic. Because she's my favourite companion of all time and she's in my top five favourite characters. But then it went on...and the comparison became about Scott too, and as everyone has been made aware, I am currently working through some issues surrounding Scott, which recently have taken a slight turn for the better in theory but in practice there hasn't been much of a turn around. I was a little..."

He paused, trying to figure out how to word it. "It was...see I've always been Robin. I've never been Batman, when it's been me and Scott. And even...like, Scott doesn't even like Doctor Who. But he _still_ got to be The Doctor, and I was just the companion. Even in the random metaphor - which kind of...you know. It sounds petty and childish, but it pissed me off a little. Then there was all that other stuff about how - how you reminded me that it wasn't just me and Scott anymore. Which I know _now_ was your way of reminding me of what I'd _gained_ ," he said, smiling a little at Lydia, then looking away. "But at the time, it just made me remember what - to me - it felt as though I'd _lost_. I don't like...being reminded of things that I've lost, during a scene. I am not very good at loss. Never have been. Not since Mom. So that caused a little bit of a spiral, in that I had suddenly all of these thoughts running through my head and I couldn't speak, so I couldn't get them out. I knew that I only needed to get them out in order for me to rationally sort through them and come up with the right conclusion, but by that time rational thought had gone a bit out of the window...."

He sighed and licked over his bottom lip, wriggling his toes a little as he continued to think. "I knew I just needed to pause for a moment, but...I was suddenly irrationally afraid that if I spoke the word ‘yellow’ to ask permission to pause the scene for a moment so that I could reassess, that I would suddenly not be able to contain the words any longer, and that once I'd stopped talking, the minutes that I accumulated would add up so much...that I wouldn't ever be able to speak again. And yes, I know exactly how stupid that sounds as I'm saying it now, but that's what I thought. It took me a little while to come up with a rational solution, and I remembered my nonverbal signal and I just hoped that Derek had told you or something because I'd forgotten, and that's my bad. I should have made sure that had been brought up when I suggested the not being allowed to talk thing. Which...well it was definitely effective, we know that for sure. And that's -  that's pretty much what happened."

Derek squeezed Stiles tight for a moment, but waited for Lydia to speak first. It was her scene, and she didn’t have the same _overall_ reassurances to make.

Lydia was frowning. “Well, there’s a lot to address there,” she admitted. “First things first - we’re getting rid of the minute rule, if it stressed you that much. Or changing it, at least. I know this sort of thing isn’t going to happen every time - at least, I hope not - but I don’t want it to happen _ever_ , and that’s something simple we can change to make it less likely. If you speak accidentally...I’ll add a minute per _time_ you speak. I’m also going to explicitly remind you that you can use verbal or nonverbal safewords every time.”

“I can take the blame at least as much for not mentioning the hand-signs when silencing you came up,” Derek pointed out. “That’s part of the basics I was responsible for covering.”

Lydia tsked, rolling her eyes. “And I should have asked. It’s everyone’s fault - blame isn’t particularly important right now. Fixing it is, and we have, so it’s fine.”

Stiles listened, took it in, nodded, all that normal stuff that good listeners did. Taking in their words and letting them flitter around inside his head like little moths circling a light-bulb. "Alright. I think that's good. Plus I can talk a lot, so it would probably be hard for you to keep track anyway," he pointed out, smiling lightly. It was much less pressure if it was a minute per time he spoke. He kissed Derek's cheek when he spoke. "Lydia's right. We've fixed it now. It'll be fine." He agreed, waiting for her to continue with her next point.

“Secondly,” Lydia said briskly, “it isn’t strange, weird, juvenile, stupid, or any other dismissive or derogatory term for you to identify strongly with fictional characters. That’s what they’re for. You just happen to enjoy them more than some other people do.”

“ _Thirdly_ ,” she continued, overriding Stiles when he opened his mouth, “I shouldn’t have brought it up, and for that, I apologize.” Her voice gentled, and she squeezed his hand. “It’s easy for me to forget that your relationships with Scott and the pack are a difficult topic for you, and I didn’t realise just how...vulnerable, I suppose, you would be in that situation. I won’t bring it up again when I’m domming you.” She smiled wryly at him. “Outside of that is a different story, of course.”

Stiles raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head. "Oh-ho no. I know that look. That's your meddling look. Unacceptable. There will be no meddling from anyone regarding me and Scott," he said, shaking his head again. "Plus, you know...you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. It’s not like I go around whining about my fears of inadequacy. I'd rather not draw attention to it, thanks. The only time I'll admit something is wrong is in subspace when I can't lie, and somewhere in the general vicinity of a panic attack. Or when someone asks me to do something I just can't do...which I usually end up doing anyway. You're fine to not have thought about what being in the pack truly means to me, because the only person I've admitted my fear of being a burden to is Derek." He shrugged.

"I was thinking more along the lines of making sure we all showed our appreciation more," Lydia admitted. "The Scott issue aside - and no, I'm _not_ going to forget about it - you seemed to be under the impression that we simply _tolerate_ you because of the people you have relationships with, rather than liking and wanting you because of the person you are. You mentioned you try hard to be useful to us, but you didn't seem to realise that you'd made yourself essential to us."

Stiles snorted. "Essential," he scoffed. "Yeah, alright Lyds. I'll add myself to the emergency survival kit," he muttered, turning his face into Derek's neck. "Except - oh wait. The only reason I've saved lives is because I've been in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm too stubborn to let people die. I'm not exactly a survival expert. And every time I do manage to do things right, it turns out to be useless anyway. My whole life is just a series of sarcasm, irony, incredulity, stubbornness and an inability to come up with a good enough response to the question 'why the fuck not?'" He rolled his eyes.

Derek finally spoke up. "Hey, no," he said firmly. "We've talked about this. Every time you've saved my life it's because you've made the choice to come back, or to stay. You don't get to dismiss that by calling it stubbornness. Part of it's luck, sure, but most of it's bravery, loyalty, intelligence, and sheer bloody-mindedness."

"And I wasn't just talking about the lives you've saved," Lydia added.

Stiles huffed. "You're biased. You're my boyfriend," he mumbled, but he smiled a little. "Alright..." he said after a few moments. "You guys can chill with the telling me how great I am now. My head won’t be able to fit through the doorway," he joked, then softened a little. "Though...I am glad that you think I'm so great. And if you weren’t talking about the lives I've saved ,then what were you talking about?" He looked a little confused.

Lydia rolled her eyes, but she was smiling at him. "I mean the way you started calling Erica 'Catwoman' and made her _feel_ like a badass. I mean the way you talk to me like I'm smart and keep me from going insane around the muscle gang. I mean the way you make sure Boyd is included in conversations, even when he doesn't want to talk. I mean the way you'll sit with Allison when she's missing her mom, because even though she tried to kill Scott, she was still her _mom_. I mean the way you kept inviting Jackson to things until he felt like he was actually accepted, even though he didn't really belong to either group. I mean the way you persuaded Scott that the pack as a whole could work together, could be a good thing. I mean the way you make sure people don't accidentally trigger Isaac, but you never treat him like he's fragile. I mean the way you've shown Derek it's okay to trust."

Stiles looked at her in awe for a while, listening to her speak. He looked down once she was finished and settled a little against Derek's chest. "Damn Lydia...why've you gotta make so much sense all the time?" Somehow Lydia always knew exactly what to say, what made _rational_ sense to his brain. He could see through her explanation how he was useful to each person in the pack, and how he'd made them feel good. He smiled, unable to keep himself from being suddenly really happy. "I guess - I guess I am useful to the pack," he said in a very quiet voice.

"You're more than useful, Stiles," she said seriously. "You're wanted and needed and loved."

Derek listened, wondering how it was that Lydia had managed to get through to Stiles on this when Derek had been trying for so long without real success. Maybe it's that he was, like Stiles had said, Stiles' boyfriend. Maybe it's that everyone knew Lydia didn't pull her punches. Maybe she just had better words. Whatever the cause, Derek was grateful.

Stiles always responded better to things that made logical sense to him. Which wasn’t always the thing that made logical sense to other people, but in some cases there was a happy accident where it overlapped. "Thanks Lyds," he said softly, squeezing her hand. "I love you guys. So much. All of you," he said, looking up and kissing Derek on the cheek so that Derek would know Stiles loved him most of all.

Derek smiled at Stiles and caught his lips in a quick kiss of his own. "Love you," he breathed.

Lydia looked away, feeling like she was intruding. She didn't know where she stood, with her strange half-relationship to the two of them now. It wasn't sexual at all, of course, but...she hadn't realised until today how _intimate_ it would be to dom Stiles. After a moment, she spoke. "I want you both to know...as far as I'm concerned, what happens in subspace stays in subspace. I won't...I'll never share what you tell me, Stiles, or what you do, with anyone else but Derek. Or...well, how much _can_ I tell Derek?"

Stiles only gave Derek the one kiss before turning back to lean against him and look at Lydia, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable or left out. This was her aftercare too. He considered her words carefully. "I think...unless I specifically _ask_ you not to tell Derek - which obviously I wouldn’t do - you can tell him anything that happens. So I don’t mind, it’s at your discretion. You don’t have to tell him everything of course, it’s our scene - Derek wouldn’t tell you everything that went on in our scenes. It’s a thing...between the people that are _in_ the scene. It’s for them. But since he's _my_ dom you'd definitely need to tell him the important things. If anything went wrong or whatever just so that he can be kept up to date." He chewed his lip, then smiled. "Thanks, Lyds. It means a lot to me, and same here."

"I'd want to know that you'd dommed him. If Stiles had broken his rules, and how you dealt with it," Derek said, thinking. "And if he safeworded, or he dropped. That I'd definitely need to know. Or if he was particularly upset in general, and you thought he needed me more than he was willing to tell me." Which Derek was increasingly realising happened far more often than he would like. "Speaking of which..." Derek flushed slightly. "I wanted to apologise for hearing about your list, Stiles. I...it wasn't something you would have chosen to share with me, but I heard it anyway. I'm sorry."

Stiles blushed. "Yeah, that.. wasn’t ideal. But...it’s not as if I wasn’t gonna tell you anyway. I just - it’s this project I wanted to do on my own...and I was going to tell you when I felt I'd made a significant achievement so that you'd be really proud of me," he said softly, letting go of their hands and reaching down to start fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Well, I'm proud of you now," Derek reassured him, "for coming up with the idea, and for working on it. If you want to not talk about it until you've made it to that milestone, we can do that. Or, you could show me the list and I could see if I could help you. I could even reward you on days you did well, if you wanted. Just something little, as a reminder."

Stiles smiled. "You help me with so much Derek. Really, you make me so happy and you help me so much and you've helped me in more ways than I can ever say. But I - I feel like I _need_ to do this thing on my own, for myself. To prove that I can make real change in my life, positive change. We just pretend that we didn’t talk about it, like kids who have discovered the truth about Santa pretend that they haven’t for a while because they still want presents. I really appreciate the offer, but just this one thing, I'm gonna have to decline, respectfully."

Derek nodded. "I understand, and it's your choice. I'll pretend I wasn't here to hear you. Like you were pretending." He shook his head a little. "That was so strange."

Lydia nodded. "For me, too. Although probably not as much as you two, since you were both acknowledging me. And, by the way...thank you, Derek. For your advice. It was very helpful."

He shrugged slightly. "It was for Stiles."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Pay no attention to his awkwardness," he told Lydia. "If he didn’t trust that you could handle it, he would have stepped in. And you did handle it. He's secretly really proud, and the fact that he's trusting you like this for when he's away...that means he likes you a lot," he said with a smile, moving forward to wrap her up in a hug, then after a minute or so pulled back. "I'm _really_ good at being delusional. Apparently. I should be an actor. What do you think, Lyds?" he said with a grin.

"It was almost scary, to be honest," Lydia admitted, "how real it obviously was for you. I don't know how you did it." After a short pause, she added curiously, "Is it like that when you roleplay normally?"

Derek blushed. "We don't do _that_ much roleplay," he muttered. It occurred to him that, now the pack knew, Stiles was going to be able to gossip about their sex life again. He knew there was a downside somewhere.

Stiles nodded, "Oh yeah. I'm ace at creating and then getting lost in fantasy worlds of my own crafting. Used to do it all the time before this werewolf business started up. Since that time it’s sort of been like...haven’t really needed to escape reality because reality isn’t real anymore anyway and yeah...got a bit confusing so I stopped. But when me and Der do roleplay I can convince myself _pretty_ well. He probably isn’t aware just how _much_ I can actually get myself to believe the scene, so I think that's what's kind of freaked him out a little bit, just like you. But yeah. I mean hell, when we do pet play it’s super weird. I'm really, like...I have to be careful with that one what I'll let myself believe, because I don’t want to get to a point where I can’t actually remember my safeword. So I always build my universe around the specific guidelines we set out beforehand." He shrugged, smirking a little.

"Now I want to do more roleplay," Derek murmured in his ear. Stiles was right - he _hadn't_ realised how much Stiles got into a role, although he'd noticed he was good at it. He'd known Stiles enjoyed it, too, although he wasn't entirely sure why.

Lydia smirked at them. They were a good pair - lots of love, and plenty of chemistry. She patted Stiles' ankle. "If that's everything, I think I'll leave the two of you to it."

Stiles blushed, hands fisting in his shirt for a moment. "Later," he whispered into Derek's ear, then cleared his throat and poked Derek lightly in the side before turning back to Lydia. "Are you sure, Lyds?" he asked, taking her hand and bringing it to his face. "You sure you got enough cuddles and got everything out of your system? Are you gonna go home and get Jackson to give you some TLC? I wanna be sure you're okay," he mumbled.

"I'm fine, Stiles," she said, rolling her eyes a little. "It wasn't that intense a scene."

"Still, he has a good point," Derek countered. He shifted until he could get his phone out of his pocket, texting Jackson.

_Lydia did a scene with Stiles today. Make sure you look after her tonight, and tell her she did well. - DH_

_Okay will do. I can be comforting and all that when I need to be. When Lydia needs it. JW_

Stiles moved forward to cuddle her. "Yeah, I know. But it was your first. And you did really, _really_ well. Seriously, Lyds - and you know I wouldn’t say this if it wasn’t true. Some people need to hear what they need to hear, but you and me, from each other we need the truth. That's our thing. And you were great," he promised, before pulling back and smiling at her.

"Thank you, Stiles." She hesitated, then kissed him on the cheek. "I'll remember. Don't forget that you did well either. I didn't do a perfect job, but you were very good for me anyway." She disentangled herself and stood. "I'm going to get going. Thank you both." She dropped a kiss on Derek's cheek as she walked past. "Have a good night," she called over her shoulder as she left.

Stiles nodded and watched her go, waiting for the door to close before moving and straddling Derek's hips, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and just hugging him really close. That scene had been hard for Derek too, and Stiles just wanted him to be okay. "So..." he said after a little while. "What's my treat?" he asked, grinning brightly and sitting back on Derek's knees, reaching forward and cupping one of Derek's cheeks, brushing his thumb over the other man's cheekbone.

"Mmm." Derek nuzzled at Stiles' neck, mouthing at his collar, tugging on it with his teeth. "I want to be close to you," he murmured.  He'd been thinking about it, as he waited for Stiles to resurface from the scene. "I'm going to worship you," he promised, raising his head to look Stiles in the eye. "I'm going to tie you down and love you all over until you can't think of anything but me and you're begging me to come, and then I'll make you."

Stiles' eyes slipped closed and he tilted his head back a little, moving his hands down to curl around the hem of Derek's henley. When Derek mentioned the worship thing Stiles' mouth quirked upwards a little. Of course. This was one of Derek's favourite things to do for some reason - Stiles hadn’t even known it was a thing until Derek suggested they try it one time. And the first time they'd tried it...it hadn’t gone well. Stiles had hated it: he hadn’t been able to get into subspace, hadn’t been able to stop being hyper aware of his own ineptitude. That's why Derek needed to tie him down when they did it, because the first couple of times Stiles would just hide his face, or crawl away, or do anything he possibly could to escape the situation. But they'd kept trying because obviously it was something important to Derek, and around the seventh time, Stiles finally got to that place where he let go of everything else...and it had honest to god been one of the most amazing experiences ever. Derek was just so attentive and loving and being the object of such sheer adoration and love...it was humbling, and euphoric. And Derek had smiled so wide after the scene when Stiles had told him how good it felt. "Mmm...had a feeling you were going to say that." They hadn’t done it since Derek had been away either, so Stiles knew he'd be itching to.

"I want you mine and safe and loved," Derek explained. Stiles found it so hard to believe him when he told him how wonderful he was. Derek had figured out a while ago that loving touch spoke louder than words. He picked Stiles up and carried him to the bedroom. "Is this okay, sweet boy?" he checked as he got out the cuffs. "Is there anything you want to say before we scene again?"

Stiles understood that. This new scene was kind of like Derek's aftercare from the last scene, and, well, it was pretty awesome for Stiles too. He grinned when Derek picked him up, and wrapped around him like a limpet, only letting go when he had to. "Yeah, I'm okay," he promised, kissing Derek's cheek and pressing his forehead to the other's temple for a few moments. "Just...that I love you," he said softly.

"I love you," Derek replied immediately. "And I want to show you." He began to gently undress Stiles, smoothing his hands in small caresses as he went, kneeling to guide Stiles to step out of his pants. "Onto the bed, sweet boy," he instructed once Stiles was naked - they'd learnt long ago that he was far more comfortable if he was restrained while they did this. Derek positioned Stiles on the bed, cuffing his hands and feet to the frame so he was spread out, but without too much tension. "Comfortable, sweetheart?" he checked. He wanted everything about this to be soft.

Stiles climbed onto the bed and settled down in the middle. It was a pretty big, comfortable bed and he tried not to let his head sink into the pillow too much for fear he'd get too comfortable and fall asleep. He held his arms up for Derek as the man restrained him, taking his time with each limb and making sure the cuffs were the right level of tight and loose. He nodded. "Yes, sir," he said quietly, looking up at Derek with an adoring smile. He checked the restraints gently and figured that they were secure and well done, not that he'd been worried. Derek certainly knew how to take care of him.

Derek kissed Stiles' forehead, then his lips. "Good boy." He took a minute to take off his own clothes, knowing it would give Stiles some time to sink into his headspace, then returned to the bed, kneeling over Stiles just below his hips. He kissed Stiles properly, sweetly, enjoying the way Stiles' mouth opened for him, letting him do what he wanted, and he began sweeping his hands in long caresses over Stiles' torso.

Stiles' skin tingled with the praise, the goosebumps lifting over his arms and legs when Derek went away...and as Stiles watched with half-closed eyes he felt a little haze around the edges of his vision, framing Derek and making the world seem soft, quiet and peaceful. When Derek came back Stiles was more than halfway there, leaning up eagerly to kiss Derek in return and parting his lips. A quiet hum escaped from them as Derek's hands began to trail over his skin, his fingertips coaxing up more goosebumps wherever they went.

Derek kissed Stiles in the hollow of his throat, just below where his collar rested - so vulnerable, so open to him - and then over his loving heart. Normally he was all but silent in one of these sessions, but he couldn't help the "I love you," that slipped from his lips. He began to trace a pattern over Stiles' torso, kissing the moles that dotted his pale skin, and the scars Derek wished so dearly he could have prevented, dragging his lips over Stiles' skin in between.

"I love you," was the immediate response. Almost more natural than breathing at this point: when Derek said he loved him, Stiles said it back. He looked down after Derek had kissed his neck and started watching him trail over his scars. Stiles remembered each of them. Chimera. Siren. Harpy. Werewolf. Werewolf. Werewolf. Stiles. Werewolf. Vampire with really bad aim. He didn’t mind most of them - he'd long since passed the point where he felt self-conscious. He had gotten kind of hot, filled out a bit - though he was still smaller than the werewolves, who were cheaters in Stiles' opinion. So he didn’t so much mind now when Derek was just perusing him like this, he didn’t have to look away, which meant he could better enjoy the expression on Derek's face.

Derek kissed Stiles' hipbone, savouring the taste and scent of him there. "I love you," he breathed again. He nuzzled briefly at Stiles' groin, but moved back to continue his path down Stiles' thighs, following dotted kisses with long, sweeping caresses, until he was kneeling at Stiles' feet.

Stiles sucked in a breath when Derek's lips brushed his hipbone, his fingertips curling around the restraints. That was certainly a sensitive area for him, always had been. "Love you," he whispered back, biting his lip when Derek neared his crotch, but not too disappointed when he continued. Stiles stared at him when he paused, kneeling there, his vision rippling a little at the edges but Derek...Derek was sharp and in focus and _everything_ that mattered.

Derek crawled up the bed so he could reach Stiles' hands. He gently untwisted the fingers of Stiles' left hand from the chain of the cuffs and dropped a kiss on his palm. He moved down, laving Stiles' scars with his tongue, kissing the pulse in his wrist, in his elbow, catching the scent there, nuzzling a little at his armpit where it was strong. He kissed the centre of Stiles' chest - "I love you" - then started again at his right hand.

His hands, and wrists, were above his head. Stiles couldn’t look at them even if he'd wanted to, which he didn’t. He let his eyes slip closed as Derek moved along his arms, making each and every inch of Stiles' skin feel loved and protected and safe...even...slightly worshipped, like Derek had said earlier. "Love you." It was barely even a whisper, more like a breath, but the werewolf would be able to pick up on it if he needed to, and that’s what mattered. Stiles’ toes curled slightly when Derek snuffled at him, and a smile graced his lips.

It occurred to Derek that the litany of 'I love you's back and forth was working as a check-in - he could hear in Stiles' voice that he was starting to get deep into his headspace. Derek upped the intensity when he reached Stiles' torso again, moving slower, sucking, licking and nibbling instead of dropping little kisses onto Stiles' skin.

As the scene went on, Stiles fell deeper and deeper into his space. It was like floating - his mind felt like it was floating on a fluffy cloud and the sensations became even more potent. He became more receptive to even the slightest touch and his eyes fell closed, his head arching back and his mouth dropping open slightly as Derek mapped out a sonnet on his skin with his lips and teeth.

It was only when Stiles was deep in subspace that Derek returned to his crotch. He started just as he had everywhere else - with light, gentle kisses, all over Stiles' cock and balls, nuzzling to enjoy the scent of him there.

Stiles felt so good that he barely noticed when Derek moved to his crotch, because it felt just as good as everything else he'd been doing. His cock noticed though, starting to thicken as Derek nuzzled him. When Stiles looked down, his pupils were blown so wide they had almost completely swallowed his irises, and there was only a sliver of whiskey around each edge.

Derek glanced up and shivered at the look in Stiles' eyes. He was so beautiful like this. Gently, slowly, he began to lick at Stiles' hardening cock, tracing the veins, circling the head, swiping over the tip to collect the first drops of precome. He mouthed at the hot skin there, twisting his head to rub his stubble oh-so-lightly across it.

Now he was beginning to be able to distinguish the feelings between the rest of his body and that special part, the tingling sensation was starting to shift from a pleasant buzz to a prickle of heat. And good sweet lord strike him down for being a liar if Stiles ever tried to claim that the stubble burn wasn’t something he _craved_ sometimes. "F-fuck," he gasped, and already his voice was wrecked as he tugged on the restraints once more. It felt so good.

The sound of Stiles' voice shot straight to Derek's cock, but this wasn't about him. This was about Stiles. Derek moved lower, taking Stiles' balls into his mouth, exploring them with his tongue. When he let them go, he blew cold air over them, letting the change in temperature heighten sensation. Then he moved his mouth back to Stiles' cock, kissing towards the head.

Stiles gasped when the cold air hit, arching his back a little and pulling the restraints tight, before letting his limbs fall slack with a shudder. "Fuck...f-feels so good," he whispered, "You...make everything feel good..." He bit his lip,staring down at Derek, trying to force his hips not to move.

"Because I want you to feel good," Derek said quietly, meeting Stiles' eyes. "You're my wonderful good boy, and I want you to _feel_ good." He leaned down to nip at Stiles' hipbone, sucking a mark there. "I love you," he murmured. "And you're mine."

Stiles blushed, feeling his lip tremble for a few seconds, then he nodded. "I love you too," he said softly. "Yours," he affirmed after a few more seconds, smiling brightly. "Always."

'That's my good boy," Derek praised. He reached up to tangle his fingers in Stiles' collar as he bent down to take the tip of Stiles' cock in his mouth, suckling lightly.

Stiles shivered at the praise, craving more, needing more. He swallowed thickly when Derek wrapped his fingers around the collar and his hips moved just slightly upwards before he could stop them. He didn’t want to stop, everything felt so good.

Derek drew Stiles into his mouth, his movements slow, unhurried. They had all the time in the world, right now - all the time they could ever need for Derek to show Stiles just how much he was loved.

After a little while of this treatment Stiles was just about ready to burst. "Sir," he whimpered. Every time he got close, Derek drew him back again, and he was going to scream. "Sir..." He _needed_ to finish, or he was going to explode.

Derek pulled off completely, sitting back on his heels. "Yes, sweet boy?" he asked, as if he hadn't realised he'd been taking Stiles to the edge over and over again.

Well now that was the exact opposite of what Stiles wanted to happen. He forced himself to open his eyes and look up at Derek, looking absolutely debauched and ready to burst. "Need...sir..." He whined, wondering what that look was for...then his lust addled brain caught up with Derek's words from earlier. "Please!" he gasped out, arching up towards him. " _Please_ , sir!"

"Shh." Derek stroked a hand down Stiles' hip, soothing him. "What do you need, sweetheart?" he asked softly. "I'll give you what you ask for, if you ask me nicely enough."

"Please...oh, please sir, please may I come?" Stiles whispered, stilling slightly and making his eyes wide, his bottom lip sticking out slightly as he gazed up at Derek. "Please, it aches so much, pretty please may I?"

"You may," Derek said, but he didn't move. Stiles was _allowed_ to come. But he hadn't asked for help yet, so Derek wasn't going to give it.

It took Stiles too long to figure out what was going on, but when he did he let out a high pitched whine in the back of his throat and tipped his head back. "Please...help me...sir, please. I can’t do it by myself," he begged.

This was...honestly, seeing Stiles needy like this was one of Derek's favourite things about domming. He grasped Stiles' cock loosely and began to stroke slowly up and down. "Is that what you wanted, sweet boy?" he asked.

Stiles let out the breath that he'd been holding and nodded, then shook his head, then nodded. "Thank you sir, but..." He hesitated, but dammit he was going to go for it anyway, this was his treat after all. "Please, faster...and harder - please sir, like you were doing before...w-with - with your mouth," he whispered, shutting his eyes and crossing his fingers.

"Good boy," Derek said instantly, responding to Stiles' uncertainty. He began to tug tighter and faster at Stiles' cock. "Thank you for asking for what you want. I'm proud of you."

Stiles fairly glowed with pride when Derek said that he'd done the correct thing, beaming at him before letting his head rest back and allowing himself to just be at the mercy of Derek’s hand. "Thank you... thank you, sir... so good," he whispered.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," Derek said warmly. "You're so good, love, you've earned it." He kept everything just a _little_ less than Stiles needed though, wanting him desperate.

It was so good - it was _really_ spectacular - but for some reason it just wasn’t _enough_. Stiles had no idea how, because he was so ready to come he thought that the slightest touch would do it, but Derek apparently knew him better than he did and he just wasn’t giving it...enough. Stiles whined again and clenched his fists. "Please, sir...more," he whimpered.

"More what, sweetheart?" Rather than give Stiles what he _really_ wanted, but hadn't quite asked for yet, Derek reached up with his free hand and began to play with his nipples.

That made Stiles briefly forget what his name was, and for a few dizzying moments he just moaned, loud, long and completely obscene. "Please sir, I can’t come...I need - I need more. Please. I don’t... god..." He whimpered, his hips bucking up of their own accord. "Harder, please, _please_..." He was nearly in tears.

"Stiles, sweet boy," Derek said, tightening his grip _ever_ so slightly. "I will give you what you ask for. Do you want me to make you come?"

Finally, he had been given the key, the magic words, the golden ticket. "Please make me come. Yes, sir. Yes. Please make me come...I'm so close," he said, opening his eyes and making himself look down at Derek because he knew Derek liked it when he looked at him as he came, even if Stiles' vision whited out and he couldn’t actually see for a little while.

Derek let go of Stiles' cock - making him keen - to make room for his mouth. He bobbed his head down until he'd taken all of Stiles in, then swallowed around him, pressed on his perineum, and twisted one nipple all at the same time.

It was like the light switch had finally been turned all the way up to full power. "Oh, fuck," he gasped, hands clenching into fists and toes curling. "I'm gonna - I'm gonna come, sir," he said frantically, already feeling his muscles tightening as the wave of euphoria washed over him.

Derek hummed approvingly. He wanted Stiles to come in his mouth - he wanted to taste him.

It had gone past the point of no return for Stiles so if Derek was going to choose to stay where he was then that was his choice but Stiles was letting the heat that had been pooling in his lower stomach for what felt like /hours/ finally rush through his body, his vision whited out as usual and he shook with the force of his orgasm.

When Stiles shuddered and came beneath him, Derek slipped a hand down to his own cock, jerking it a few times and spilling onto the sheets. He'd been holding himself back almost since they started.

After god only knew how long, Stiles came back to awareness, reclining back against the sheets, completely bereft of any kind of strength, and his whole face broke into a dreamy, adoring, 100 watt smile aimed beamed directly at Derek. "I love you," he whispered.

Derek smiled back. "I love you," he said softly. "I'm going to get you out of the cuffs now, okay? You just lie still for me." Not that Stiles could do anything else right now, he suspected. He started at Stiles' ankles, carefully rubbing away the red marks where Stiles had tugged against them, then moved up the bed to free Stiles' wrists.

Stiles nodded, laying his head back and continuing to grin at the ceiling like it had given him a free pass to disneyland, while he felt Derek gently massaging his ankles before moving up to his wrists. He turned his head to watch, wanting to curl in on himself like he usually did post orgasm, but he was too lax, so he just let the heavy limbs flop gracelessly onto the bed.

Derek was more careful with Stiles' wrists, knowing that he had been pulling and tugging on the restraints. He massaged Stiles' arms carefully, one by one, as he brought them down to rest by his sides, and dropped a kiss on Stiles' forehead before curling up beside him.

Stiles was gonna be careful this time, he was going to take his time, and let himself lie there...drift around in subspace and not rush himself to come out. He made himself just lie still, and relax, and enjoy the floating sensations, even though he knew Derek was beside him and he wanted to curl up with him and interact with him and thank him and kiss him... he couldn’t, because he'd start pulling himself out in order to have a more coherent conversation.

Derek watched, stroking Stiles' hair, as he slowly surfaced. "You take as long as you need to, sweet boy," Derek murmured. "I'll be right here. You were perfect, sweetheart, such a good boy, _my_ good boy..."

Stiles allowed himself to lose track of time, which was good. Because it meant he was focusing more on the way his body was reacting and feeling than the amount of time taken to perform the task at hand. He didn’t know how long it was before he opened his eyes, blinking a few times, then turning to face Derek with a smile. "That was wonderful," he said softly.

"It really was," Derek murmured, kissing Stiles lightly. "Thank you, Stiles. You were so good for me." Derek was clumsy at finding words to describe Stiles in subspace, but he tried. "You were beautiful. And responsive, and gorgeous, and needy, and...perfect." He sighed happily. "I love you."

Stiles knew that Derek wasn’t the best with words, but it made the times when he tried, and the words he said, all the more special. He kissed back and cuddled close to him, sinking into his warmth and his stability and the plain and simple feeling of being _safe_ which had become so dear to him. "I love you too," he murmured. "So much. I really do. And I'm never going to get tired of saying it."

\-----

Scott, Allison, and Isaac were eating dinner together when the topic came up. "How's Stiles?" Isaac asked. "I haven't seen him since before Derek left. You have lunch with him on Thursdays, right?"

It had been almost three months since the last time Derek left town overnight, but it had been pretty hard to forget. That, and Lydia had refused to let them forget it. Especially Scott. He didn't know what had happened with her and Derek and Stiles and the...submissive thing, but whatever it was, she'd come away from it and immediately begun setting up play-dates, as she called them, for Scott and Stiles. Not that Scott had minded. He actually hadn't realised until he was seeing Stiles one-on-one on a more-than-weekly basis again that they hadn't been doing that since sophomore year. Of high school. So now they had lunch once a week and game night once a week and Scott generally tried to pay more attention. He'd been pretty ashamed to realise just how excited Stiles was about it, the first time, and he'd come home and told Allison and Isaac that, barring literal life-threatening emergencies, Stiles was going to take priority those days. Neither of them had minded.

Scott nodded. "Yeah, that was today. I don't really know. He was in kind of a rush, so we didn't talk much."

"That doesn't sound like Stiles," Allison said, frowning. "Do you think he's okay? I know Lydia checked on him yesterday."

Scott thought about it. "...I think so? I mean, he just seemed to be in a rush. But he was still kind of quiet. I don't know, I figured he was just missing Derek."

"Probably," Isaac agreed. "You should go over, though. So he doesn't punch me in the face, this time."

Allison rolled her eyes at him. "Just how long are you going to milk that one?" She turned back to Scott. "He's right, though. You should go over, after dinner. I doubt he has plans."

"Sure," Scott said, shrugging, which is how he found himself, an hour later, knocking on Stiles' door.

It was weird, but Stiles still found himself getting excited when he and Scott hung out. And...honestly, half the time he was still pleasantly surprised when he showed up. Which sounded really bad, but Stiles knew for a fact that Scott had better things to do than hang out with him, which...okay, also sounded bad, but he just meant that in the grand scheme of things... he should probably just stop trying to dig himself out of that hole. Regardless, when he and Scott hung out, Stiles appreciated it, appreciated the time that his friend took to spend with him and actually listen and all that stuff that friends did. Stiles had a sneaking suspicion that it was mostly due to Lydia being involved like he had _asked her not to dammit_ , because he didn’t want to feel like Scott _had_ to hang out with him or anything. Stiles wanted him to want to.

Still, his internal paranoia aside everything had been going rather well. Derek had gone away again and this time...it was so sweet. He'd spent a good ten minutes before he left just telling Stiles how much he loved him over and over. It had been amazing. Stiles hadn’t slipped into drop or anything, but obviously he was missing Derek, quite a lot. So he'd been a little distracted with Scott at lunch today and he felt really bad about it, because Scott had better things to do and the least Stiles could do was give him his full attention. Still, he was home now and he’d made sure he'd had one of the sets of leftovers Derek had left him in the freezer. He'd been taking care of himself all day and now he was just sitting on the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest and trying to think of something to do, when there was a knock at his door.

Stiles got up and put the pillow down, going to the door and answering it, and his face immediately brightened a little when he saw who was there. "Scott!" he exclaimed. "Hey, man...what's up? Come on in..." He stepped out of the way so that Scott could come inside. Like he was going to turn Scott away, ever, when the man was voluntarily spending time with him without Lydia’s interference - which was sweet, but still...mixed feelings.

Yeah, now that Scott was paying attention...he could tell Stiles had been moping a bit. "I figured you could use something to do without Derek to keep you occupied," Scott answered, following him inside. "I brought junk food?"

He'd already eaten...but screw it, Scott was here and he brought food. "Great, man. Sure, c'mon in. I already said that." He frowned, running a hand through his hair. Jesus, why did he still always feel like he was on some kind of awkward first date when he was with Scott. Cut that shit right now, Stiles. He turned and walked into the living room, hopping over the couch. "Video games or movies?" he asked, grabbing the controller. Best thing about Derek being rich? He knew jack about technology. So he gave Stiles a guideline like, 'I want a big tv that I can watch the basketball on.' and he just let Stiles and the sales assistant battle it out. Stiles always won, obviously.

Stiles was weirdly nervous. Scott really didn't like the way he made Stiles nervous these days. He kicked his shoes off near the door. "Movies," he decided. "You need cuddles. You can pick the first one - I'll just grab a bowl for the chips." They all spent enough time at Derek and Stiles' place - as the de facto pack headquarters - to be familiar with the kitchen, so Scott already knew where everything was, at this point.

The weirdest thing - even the saddest thing, to Stiles anyway - was that Scott still hadn’t watched Star Wars, and Stiles...had actually stopped asking. A little while ago. He could actually remember the last time he'd asked, when he'd gotten the last 'I'm a bit busy right now man, can it wait?'. Which had...sort of...he'd just given up with that. So he put the Avengers on, which was pretty safe, and then he grabbed his favourite blanket and a pillow and the one he'd been hugging and sat in the middle of the couch. He brought his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them and wrapping his arms around them. Scott had been trying recently, and Stiles loved him for that. He really did. He didn’t _want_ to think about why, or whatever - he actively tried not to, because with his penchant for overthinking, it never went well. And he really wanted to enjoy movie night with his buddy. So he shut himself up and focused on the flashing Marvel title cards.

"Oh, cool," Scott said, wandering back in. "I like this one. It reminds me of the pack, you know? With all the teamwork and stuff." He made a face. "And the initial arguing."

He plonked himself down on the couch and pulled Stiles into a side hug. "Pass me one of those pillows, would you, dude? And don't hog the blanket."

"Yeah, I guess so." Stiles mumbled, shrugging. "Tell you what, you be Steve and I'll be Tony and we can have that bit where you're useless at trying to work out technology while I'm trying to stop the spinny thing and you're beating up all the bad guys while I'm just trying to hang on for dear life and not die..." He blinked, woah that got a bit intense there. “Kidding," he mumbled, grabbing a pillow and handing it to Scott before lifting one of the sides of his blanket and throwing it over Scott lazily, leaning a little against him.

Scott frowned. Stiles _wasn't_ kidding, though. "But Steve and Tony fight for almost this whole movie," he complained. "I don't wanna fight with you, bro." Maybe Stiles could be Coulson instead - the one who brought them all together. But Coulson died. He didn't want that, either.

Stiles shrugged a little. "Dude, it’s fine. Like individually, you're definitely Cap, and I'm definitely Tony - like - disregard the, like, arguing and stuff. Because Tony's just pissed because his dad was always sort of about the Cap and he would have always trusted Cap best and...all that..." Oh shit. That was kind of accurate as well. "I mean we're not like arguing all the time." True, until recently they hardly spoke. "It’s like...we're bros. It’s just...like Steve and Tony are bros once they get past their differences, we got past ours really early on so we've just been bros," he mumbled, shrugging. "Plus. Steve and Nat are BFFs, as everyone knows, and Lydia is Nat, so clearly, clearly it isn’t accurate as per friendships but as individuals," he pointed out. "Cause you and Lyds aren’t BFFs. Or are you? I don’t really know.." He shrugged.

Scott was seriously frowning right now. He could be oblivious sometimes - as he obviously must have been to miss all this for so long - but he wasn't so oblivious as to miss how Stiles was feeling about their friendship. Apparently Lydia was right, and Scott sucked as a friend. Even more than he'd guessed. "Nah," he said, buying time while he tried to figure out what to do. "You're my best friend, bro. And Lydia's Allison's best friend...Isaac and I clear out when they're having girl time. They get scary."

Stiles - as pathetic as it was - was _stupidly_ happy when Scott said that they were best friends. "Huh. Well that's alright then," he replied, smiling lightly. "Glad to hear that you replacing me with Isaac during your first year as a werewolf was all in my head." He laughed and nudged Scott in the side. "Just kidding, bro," he said, though he wasn’t kidding at all - that's why he'd been at odds with Isaac for so long. Isaac was the sweetest guy ever, and Stiles was a dick. "Anyway," he mumbled, grabbing some chips and shoving them into his mouth before he could say anything else stupid and piss Scott off enough that he'd leave.

Scott took a deep breath, remembering what Allison had said after Stiles made Isaac cry that one time. He went from having pretty much your entire attention, to sharing it with two other people in the space of a year. It would have felt like he was losing you. "Isaac could never replace you, dude," he said seriously. "We've been best friends basically forever. It's like how Derek isn't a replacement for me, right?" And yes, Scott had had issues with Derek and Stiles dating at first, but they worked, and Stiles was pretty damn happy overall, so Scott wasn't about to bring that up right now. "You spend more time with him, and I spend more time with Isaac and Allison, because we love them heaps, but that doesn't mean we love each other any less."

Stiles felt slightly reassured by Scott's words. "Well, I'm glad. If Allison and Isaac are your Derek, I get that." He nodded, smiling a little and hugged Scott. "But still. I've never made you listen to any agonising poetry that I've written about Derek," he pointed out with a smile. The difference, of course, was that when Stiles had Derek, Scott had already had Allison and Isaac. But when Scott had first started ditching him for Allison and Isaac, Stiles hadn't had anybody. But he supposed that was being selfish. "Bros before hos dude. You know you always come first. I know you didn't exactly like Derek at first and I told you I'd always be on your team first and foremost. You're my best friend and I'll always be there for you no matter what." Which was true.

Scott winced. "Look, dude, I was kind of an idiot when I first started dating Allison." With more than five years of hindsight, it was very, very clear. "And a shitty friend. I let dating her get in the way of the two of us, and I let our drama get in the way of...just about everything else that was happening. I can't change the choices I made back then, but I totally understand if you don't forgive me for them." Isaac was...more complicated. Their developing relationship had been an uncertain and uneasily shifting thing for a while, partially because Isaac wasn't entirely ready for a relationship at first, partially because of the bisexual thing, partially because of Allison. "And I - I know, now, that when Isaac and I were figuring stuff out it was really tough for you, and I'm sorry for that, too."

Stiles listened to Scott's apology. It was quite a good apology as things went, and he even did the thing where he said he wouldn’t be mad if Stiles couldn’t forgive him. Stiles sighed after a little while and uncurled a little, leaning more against Scott and accepting the cuddles and the apology. "I forgave you a long time ago, Scott. I just missed - miss - you is all," he said quietly. "You know me, I just like being dramatic. I can never be mad at you Scott."

"Maybe you should be," Scott said quietly. "Because this...this isn't you being dramatic, dude. This is you being upset, and it's my fault. I can be oblivious sometimes, we both know this. Next time I fuck up," because Scott was fairly sure there _would_ be a next time, "can you tell me? Instead of waiting for Lydia to do it?"

Aaaand there it was. Definitive proof that Scott had only been doing all this because Lydia told him to. Stiles smiled tightly and moved, standing up. "Okay sure." He promised, "I'm gonna go get a drink you want anything?" He muttered, jumping over the back of the couch and stalking to the kitchen. He was going to cry, or yell, or throw something... throw a book at Scott's stupid head. Ugh. He took a deep breath and forced his feelings deep down inside.

Something was wrong. Shit. Scott jumped up, following Stiles to the kitchen. "What did I do?" he appealed to him. "This is what I mean, Stiles, you need to _tell_ me when I fuck up, not...run away! What did I say?"

Stiles shook his head, grabbing a red bull out of the fridge and cracking the lid, downing half of it. "Nothing. It’s fine. I'm fine. It's nothing," he muttered, "Look I run away. That's my thing. I ignore problems till they go away. I just...wanted a drink is all."

"It's not nothing," Scott objected, pulling Stiles into a hug. "Dude, I can _tell_ it's not nothing. I _know_ you." He tried to think, to figure out _why_ Stiles was so upset. What had Scott said? They'd been doing so well, and then...Lydia. Stiles had gotten upset after Scott mentioned Lydia. "Is this about Lydia? I told you, she's Allison's friend, not mine."

Stiles pushed out of his arms, not wanting to accept the hug. "I don’t care," he said, walking over to the pantry and grabbing a bag of sweets, shoving a handful into his mouth and leaning against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest and washed them down with the rest of his red bull. "Why dont you just go, okay? Then you can report to Lydia that you've completed your babysitting for the day and I can be alone," he said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"I haven't even _talked_ to Lydia today!" Scott objected. "Dude, do you think _she's_ why I'm here? All she did was give me the kick up the ass I needed to remember that I _love_ spending time with you! You're one of my top five people in the world, bro, and you always will be."

"I _know_ that's why you're here. You’re only here because she told you to be." Stiles said, whirling around. "You might love spending time with me, but do you actually give a shit about me?" he asked, staring at him. "Would you have thought about spending time with me if we hadn’t had that meeting where you found out how upset I was, or if Lydia hadn’t reminded you? Really? And I don’t have that stupid heartbeat lie detector thing, so tell me the truth!"

Shit. Fuck. He'd fucked up _so bad_. "I'm a shitty friend," Scott admitted slowly, trying to figure out _what_ the truth was. "I...you're a constant in my life, and I take you for granted. I've always...I assume that unless you _say_ something...we're okay." He sighed. "And I was wrong," he said heavily. "We drifted apart because of me, and I assumed that you'd still...that you'd still call me on it, when I fucked up, so I didn't really pay attention. I don't...I'd like to think we would have fixed it, even without Lydia or the meeting. I don't know - I _can't_ know. You're - I was dumb. I should have been looking close enough to know things weren't right."

Stiles slumped against the pantry door and ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, you do take me for granted. S'probably partly my fault for always being there for you and being unquestioningly loyal to your stupid furry ass," he muttered, wrapping his arms around himself and looking away. He sighed. "And you're right. I never say anything, I just figure...you've got more important things to worry about. I've never seen myself as a priority. I know that. I've been trying to make my peace with that since I first started losing you. It’s just..." He bit his lip. "I just _miss_ you, dude," he admitted.

"I didn't realise how much I missed you until I started hanging out with you again," Scott admitted, "but I really did. And I _don't_ have more important things to worry about than you, seriously. I mean, if Allison or Isaac was having a crisis, maybe? But they can look after each other, too. I want to be here for you."

Stiles shrugged. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever." He sighed, turning around and trying to find a snickers. "I guess we can hang out if you want. Whatever," he muttered, still trying to get a grip on himself. He didn’t know if he could believe that Scott genuinely _wanted_ to be here. But all he really wanted was a hug.

"No, not 'whatever', dude," Scott said firmly. He pulled Stiles into a hug again, and this time, he didn't let go. "You need to _tell me how to fix this_ ," he muttered into Stiles shoulder.

Scott wasn’t going to let him pull away this time, so Stiles was forced to accept the hug he desperately wanted. He didn’t _know_ how to fix it. He didn’t know what to say to make this all better. "I want it to be you and me again...I don’t know. Just for a little while. Not - not all the time. I just want to feel like I have my best friend back. Just...tell me one thing, okay? Am I ever gonna get to be Batman?"

"Batman?" Scott asked, frowning. "Like you and Erica talk about?" Then he actually focused on the rest of what Stiles had said. "And you didn't _lose_ me, dude, we just...I just was focused on other stuff for a while. I'm sorry."

"I know that this sounds really needy and pathetic...I'm sorry," Stiles muttered, sighing. "It - I'm not trying to like demand all of your attention or anything. That wouldn’t be fair of me. Just...you know how you've always been Batman, and I'm Robin. I'm like...your sidekick. It’s sorta always been that way. Erica is the only one who calls me Batman, cuz she's my Catwoman." He smiled a little.

"What?" Scott asked, confused. "No you haven't. Dude, I rely on you, all the time. And you've always been the smart one. Becoming a werewolf was cool because, even though I couldn't be smart like you, I could do my _own_ thing - like, you were so much more awesome than me in middle school. You've always come up with the plans and stuff, and I just follow along."

"So I'm like Alfred," Stiles said, pulling back a little and smiling. He'd already forgiven Scott, just for trying. He nodded his head towards the living room. "Alright. Movie time." He walked back to the living room and waited for Scott to sit down before sprawling atop him. "You're forgiven, for real this time," he muttered.

"Dude," Scott said. "You're like _Coulson_. Secret badass. Except without the dying. No dying allowed. Even fake dying. The pack's already together, you don't get to motivate us by dying."

Stiles elbowed him in the stomach. " _Don’t_ call me Coulson again. Unless you want me to put a little bit of wolfsbane in your food the next time we have a pack night. Not enough to be lethal but enough to give you wicked bad food poisoning. And don’t ask me why, I have my reasons," he muttered darkly.

Scott elbowed him back. "You _always_ have your reasons. Remember that time you hid food dye in my coke and I didn't find out until I started pissing purple and freaked out? You never even told me why you did that. 'I have my reasons,' you said. It took me a month to figure out you were trying to distract me from the anniversary of my dad leaving, and I wasn't even all that freaked out about that."

Stiles grinned. "Also because it was _hilarious_!" He laughed. "You're so clueless sometimes, Scotty-boy," he muttered, stretching his legs out and grabbing another handful of chips. "Just hush, you can’t make Avengers references. That's my job." He grinned, smashing one of the chips into Scott's hair and rubbing it in with the heel of his hand.

"Noo!" Scott reached up to brush the chips out of his hair, closing his eyes and shaking his head to get the crumbs out. He wrestled Stiles to the floor, getting him in a headlock without using his werewolf strength. "I will avenge myself!" he called. Then he smashed a chip in Stiles' hair.

"Ah! You bastard! Not my perfect hair!" he cried. "Okay, okay...mercy. Mercy." He said, waiting till Scott let go before tackling him and grabbing the pudding cup he'd also brought in from the ridge, ripping it open and painting Scott's face with it before getting up and sprinting away. "Ha! You look like a right dickhead!" He laughed, brushing the crumbs out of his hair.

Scott chased after him and tackled him to the ground, rubbing his face all over Stiles' to get pudding on him, too. When he pulled away to look, he burst out laughing. "You look completely ridiculous," he pointed out when he caught his breath.

Stiles grinned up at him. "So do you," he said, laying back and laughing. "Alright, alright. Let’s call it a draw. Gettoff me." He pushed himself up a little and reached up to ruffle Scott's hair.

Scott grinned back. It was...really good, seeing Stiles happy again. He pushed himself up and offered Stiles a hand. "Let's watch a movie, bro."

Stiles took his hand and pulled himself up, nodding and wiping his face with his shirt. "Alright bro," he said, letting Scott drag him back to the sofa and curling up with him. Having his friend back was pretty damn great.

\-----

Have you been good for me today? - DH

Yes sir, I have. SS

You've been looking after yourself for me? - DH

Did you have a good day? - DH

Yeah, I've been following all my rules and everything. SS

It started off kind of average, I missed you a lot. Then later on it was great. SS

That's good to hear. What happened? - DH

And I miss you, too - DH

Well...you know how I have lunch with Scott on Thursdays? Well I wasn’t feeling great so it was a bit off...then later on he just showed up out of the blue. We hung out, sort of fought a bit. Made up. Watched a movie...it was fantastic. I got my best friend back. SS

I'm glad. How are things going there? SS

That's really great. I'm glad you talked. What were you fighting about? - DH

Not too bad. There's a lot of posturing from the younger wolves. - DH

The alpha's knew my mother once, apparently. - DH

Ah, the usual. Nah, just kidding it was the big, 'I've missed you' and 'I'm sorry I haven’t been there for you' kind of one I've been avoiding having with him for years. Turns out it wasn’t that bad. SS

I bet they're all like 'you remind me of Talia'. SS

I'm proud of you for finally talking about it with him. - DH

We're very different. And she was famous all over the country. - DH

I don't exactly live up to her reputation. - DH

Hey, none of that. You don’t have to live up to anything Derek. And she would be /so/ proud of you for everything that you've achieved. I'm pretty sure that somewhere out there she can see us and she's so freaking proud of her son. Promise. I'll stake my entire reputation on it. SS

Your /entire/ reputation, hm? - DH

Does that include your reputation as a trouble-maker? - DH

Uh huh, and I'm very /very/ proud of that one, so you know how serious I am. SS

Thanks, Stiles - DH

He...has photos. Of her. He's going to email me copies. - DH

Aw yes! A, that's awesome and a lovely thing for you to have and b, I have some photo frames that are empty! They will finally be used! This is fantastic. Our mantelpiece of Very Important People will be so much better once she's on it. SS

When she was younger, she looked like Laura - DH

Did she and your dad ever do the whole 'how I met your mother' thing? SS

It wasn't a particularly interesting story - DH

They went to the same college, and his best friend was dating her roommate - DH

So they got to know each other fairly well, and eventually they started dating - DH

Adorable. Cliche but cute, an oldy but a goodie in my opinion. SS

How did your parents meet? - DH

Dad was a deputy. She was an anti war protestor, ya know one of those flower child types. He arrested her. SS

...I can see how she's /your/ mom - DH

Ha, thanks. I was pretty proud when I heard the story. SS

I knew you took after her in looks, but I'm guessing she was a lot like you in other ways too - DH

Yeah she was a pretty wild one, like me. Loyal. She was much better than me in some ways though. If I was trying to live up to her I'd have a shit time of it. But I'm not. So it’s fine. SS

She...as she was before the illness. She'd be proud of me. I know that for sure. SS

That's good. /I'm/ definitely proud of you. - DH

Yeah you are. Of course you are. I'm awesome. SS

No, but seriously...I'm proud of you too. SS

I love you - DH

I love you. SS

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was really, really awesome to write - I hope it's as fun for all of you to read, and I look forward to your comments. - seekeronthepath


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